Worried

Wose, you have every reason to be worried. Please google the article "Man with early dementia shoots wife and daughter, kills daughter." March 16, 2020 in Charlevoix County, Mi. He did it because "they had recently taken away his car keys, not allowing him to drive." The charges were eventually dropped due to his dementia but the daughter is dead. The wife recovered. Your husband really does need an evaluation in a hospital. Please be safe. It does happen. My brother with lewy body dementia took after his stepdaughter with a knife, believing there were "crazy women" in the house. He was charged but they were soon dropped due to his dementia. He died 2 months later in a memory care unit. Do whatever is necessary for your safety and the safety of others. I will be thinking of you today. Please be safe.

This happened recently not far from here.

Bad things can happen. This man's brother swore there was no warning but perhaps the PWD showtimed around family. It's very easy to feel safer than you because a person you once knew so well looks and sounds the same. Safety first.

Behavior is communication. It must be terrible to live with that internal upset and not have the bandwidth to process it rationally. Meds can take the edge off the feelings that drive this.

In this article family mention that he'd been having memory issues "recently". Other articles state that he'd been diagnosed 6 years before.

a postscript, this many was found unfit to stand trial. It's not been shared whether an adult child or sibling has stepped in as guardian or whether the court appointed someone else. At any rate, he will be without his wife as an advocate.

HB

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I completely feel your fear and heartache. You must know that even if he actually meant what he's saying about divorce, nursing home, etc. that he cannot carry it out. Sadly, it truly might be time for 911, or at very least an appeal to his doctor(s) or anyone he will believe/trust under the circumstances. And that is not you… Do you have a place you can go nearby to be safe? Like someone else's house.

Please keep us posted when you can woze. I had to go the hospital route and I know how hard it is. But you are not doing yourself or him any favors to try to avoid it.

Hi wose. I too worry for you. I had very similar struggles with my husband who became irate, verbally abusive and threatening when I tried to keep him from driving. It reached the point where a
hospitalization did become necessary. It helped for sure but didn’t solve the problem completely. Too much of his identity and independence is associated to driving. At the time of his hospitalization the doc submitted paperwork to the RMV. He got letters indicating his license was suspended. He began to escalate again insisting on a hearing and attorney. What helped me through this was acting as if on his side. I empathized a lot. I scheduled the hearing a month out. He talked about it incessantly for a couple of weeks and then miraculously he seemed to forget about it. Somewhere along the way several on this forum suggested I cancel the hearing, and tell him the RMV cancelled it if he asks about. It was great advice. Every now and then he mentions it in passing and I redirect as quickly as I can. I do live in fear that I’m not done yet with this issue. I’ll be thinking about you. Stay safe. I hope you will let us know how things go tomorrow .

Wose, I agree with M1. He’s not safe for you both physically and emotionally! You need to take care and protect YOU right now.

Regarding tinkling: you're not the only one! Get some pads, the shelves are full of a variety. Do kegels. Make your life easier.

You do need to protect yourself. You need a plan. Pack a bag with a few necessities so you will be ready if you need to leave quickly. Do you have access to money?

Iris