DH has Alzheimer's disease

Welcome Noemit. Your DH has anosognosia, that's why he still claims he isn't sick. This is a characteristic of dementia and means that a PWD (person with dementia) is unaware of having dementia. If you confront him with reality, he will get upset. You will have to learn the work-arounds that the members use.

Iris

Read as many of the posts here as possible. You will see yourself + your situation in many of them + may open your eyes to what could be in store for the two of you.(And advice that has worked for others in your shoes)

I am so sorry you have to go through this. My DH was diagnosed when we both were much older than you and yours. I think it’s so much more devastating at a young age like yours. Please know everyone is here for you any time you need us.

So sorry you have to join this group, but this is the place to be if you need to be. We understand. Take some time to read previous posts. Search on topics or keywords. There's a treasure trove within these discussions. First thing is get your DPOA and Healthcare directives done if you haven't already. I learned that from this group and it was a life saver. And since your husband is so young, if he has an official diagnosis and no longer capable of working, apply for SSDI now.

Happy birthday btw. It is agonizing when you can no longer share things with your life partner that you used to expect as a matter of course. Holidays are no more, anniversaries, etc.

DPOA is a Durable Power of Attorney. As I understand it, the durable power of attorney has a clause that says it is to remain in affect when the person suffers from a disability. Without the clause that makes it durable, the POA is changable through out it's duration, and is void when the person is no longer competent to make changes to it. Someone smarter will give you a better answer, but that's the gist of it.

SSDI is Social Security Disability Income. You can google that to get more info on the program administered under Social Security.

I used to tell my husband that by the time everyone gets older they have things wrong. Sometimes it involves your heart or lungs or diabetes or joint issues or whatever. I would stress what good shape he was in except that he had memory issues. I told him I was there to help him with whatever issues he had. That seemed to help him a little bit.

Oh yeah. All of those feelings — angry, heartbroken, bereft, depressed, but also a bit more accepting of it after these years of trying to deal with it all.

How am I dealing with it? I have a therapist now. Huge help. I do a daily acknowledgement that I’ve known my DW forever and will always know her and she’ll always be with me. I garden like crazy sometimes to distract and stop my head and heart from spinning. And, this forum is a lifesaver for me. I’ve managed a few short trips with friends recently. Big, big help. And I’m still working, which allows me to keep the active, driven and intellectual part of me going.

I was a total sobbing wreck two years ago. I’m not anymore, so these things must be helping a bit. I imagine the small dose of an antidepressant is doing some heavy lifting too.

Hang in there!

As concerned_sister replied, DPOA is Durable Power of Attorney in the event that a person is incapable of or doesn't want to manage his/her owned financial assets, and will continue to be in effect until the principal dies. Typically it is worded to take effect immediately, not at some future date. In the state of CA, you'll need a separate Advanced Healthcare Directive to manage affairs regarding healthcare, which is separate from financial assets.

As for SSDI (social security disability insurance) since your husband is so young, he will qualify to receive his social security now, before reaching the required age of 62, as long as he meets the requirements, one of which is "Early Onset Dementia" that also expedites the process under Compassionate Allowance. This payment will turn into his social security retirement benefits when he reaches the required age. The amount won't change because it is supposedly calculated based on when he turns 62 and eligible for SS. Another plus is that once he is approved and starts collecting SSDI, Medicare kicks in exactly 24 months later without having to wait till 65. And enrollment in Plan A and B is done automatically. Just google these topics. Laws may change so stay informed.

Wow! That's great news!