His last night at home

So heartbreaking for you Jazzma. I’m so very sorry. It’s knowing that’s making this doubly hard. Hugs and prayers💜

What a fraught day and night. It's the right thing. My best to you. I wish for you thaty the inner strength that you have called on until now keeps providing in the next few hours and days. Kathy

my heart goes out to you. Good luck tomorrow.

@Jazzma

I hope you have a seamless transfer to the MCF today followed by an easy transition to your new routines. Cobbling onto what Beachfan said, my mom found it easier to do the emotional piece of caregiving dad once professionals were doing the hands-on caregiving.

HB

thank you for the update…

Jazzma,

My eyes filled with tears as I read your description of your DH’s last day at home. I don’t know what my DH’s journey will be like but I hope I make the right decisions along the way. I once said “never” to placement in Memory Care but after being on this forum, I know that isn’t realistic. I wish peace for you and your DH as you adjust to this part of your journey.

I am glad the transition was smooth.

Hi Everyone- I'm very moved by what I'v read tonight. I relate to so many of your stories, I've been glued to the page feeling like OMG, here is a whole group of people that really get it, deeply get it! I instantly felt like I was "home."

Though I'm new here, I have grappled with my wife's (we've been together 40 years) growing cognitive symptoms for at least the past 10 years. She has become outraged every time I've brought it up over the years. After several strife filled conversations, finally a few months ago she agreed (angrily) to go for testing. She is mid stage AD.

Even though this was no surprise to me, and even though it seemed she had had no self awareness of her condition, we were both crushed to hear the neurologist say it out loud. We held each other for the first time in a long while and we cried together. In the moment, I regretted pushing her to get tested because her ignorance was her bliss, and I felt I had really hurt her unnecessarily. But she got over it, superficially anyway, even though she's still gets mad about it.

But there seems to be a positive to it, in that going through the diagnostic process together has helped me feel like I am not keeping a secret from her, she knows what I think is going on, even though she still disagrees. I think, at least for now, it has brought us closer.

Anyway, I wanted to say hi to the group!

Heartfelt Best Wishes to Everyone here!

What you describe is why I have not insisted on my husband being formally diagnosed. My mom had this disease so I know it. Plus both hubby and I were in the medical field. He knows his memory isn't great but has not put 2 and 2 together. Because he was actually a neurologist he would be devastated beyond belief. I might have to force the issue, but thankfully not yet.

My dh was aware of his diagnosis at the time but no longer is. He'll tell me how great it is that we're both healthy. Once he overheard someone at memory care saying he had Alzheimer's and he was devastated.

Our neurologist was not nearly so supportive. He practically threw an Alzheimer's Association flyer at me and that was it. I had pursued diagnosis so my dh could go on disability, and diagnosis is all I got from that neurologist!

Jazzma, your description in some ways is so spot on. They do take their own road and you can't go with. They do forget their loved ones and their history. In some ways it's a relief because it can end really hard behaviors and questions when they leave us behind. But it is still so very painful; painful beyond words and only people who have been through this can understand fully. But in some ways the connection is still in there, at least it was for my situation. Mom knew I was someone she liked. I knew that deep down in there, somewhere, she knew me. She still somehow knew her husband, even though not in a classical sense. She still lit up when he visited even though she had no words or actual concept of who he was. At the end when she was transitioning to active dying, dad had recently had surgery and I had not been able to get him there to see her for a few weeks. When he finally came in the last 48 hours of her life, she had been waiting for him. She had not been showing any signs of awareness for a few days. She opened her eyes for the first time in a while when he spoke to her, and a small smile or recognition crossed her lips. It was the last time she opened her eyes and it wasn't long before she was gone. The love, the history is still there somehow, though not as we wish. You'll have to carry it now with your pain as a part of your love story. I am sorry you are going through this but glad you made a decision that is the best choice given the circumstances.