Wondering ...

I would continue to do what you have been doing, for the same reason you mentioned. People drop away and stop calling and visiting because they don’t know what to say or they can’t deal with this disease. We have to hang on to the few that do call and just try to ignore remarks like that. It’s important to have people to talk to when we’re so isolated.

Just laugh and say “oh, we still have great conversations.” I really think most people truly don’t know that what they say may hurt our feelings. Some people are fearful of saying the wrong thing, so then avoid even talking to us.

My very close friend told me she was backing away and giving me "tough love" after I told her about my difficulties with my memory loss. People don't know what to say or what not to say. She is a nurse, btw. I guess she thought I was an addict.

Iris

@HangingIn

I'm sorry. It's difficult to be on the receiving end of tone deaf conversations.

I'm a believer in teaching folks how you want to be treated. Options around that, without being confrontational, might start with looking at why she says this.

Perhaps she's unfamiliar with dementia as a progressive condition and doesn't realize symptoms can be subtle in the early and middle stages. Until you've lived dementia up close and personal you might not realize that many PWD are chatty— my dad was conversational until he died. I used to be irked by the people who asked if dad still knew who I was as that was some sort of defining line for personhood.

Perhaps she's thinking of you both but doesn't know what to say. Maybe you could redirect the conversation back to more pleasant topics being especially careful not to turn the call into a venting session.

Or perhaps, you could tell her how her off-hand comment hurts. She probably doesn't know. I like @ButterflyWings "ouch-approach".

HB

No—my brother’s health is precarious. They have a lot to deal with on their own.