Obsessed with driving and threatens self harm

Hi and welcome. Taking away driving is a huge stressor. Definitely search past posts for driving- you'll find a ton on this topic. In my experience, arguing with a PWD doesn't work. For most things, it's best to meet them in their world and then redirect. I would humor him on buying discussions but redirect ("they're closed", "interest rates will be dropping in the fall", "supply chain issues", etc.). The threat of self harm is scary. Is he on meds? I worked with my husband's geriatric doc to adjust meds to tamp down those behaviors. Good luck - ask question here, and post when you want. This is a very welcoming and knowledgeable group.

If he is in AL with no credit/debit card and no checks and no ability to get to a dealership it might be best to play along in his world, but put off the actual purchase. If he still has access to his money I guess I would consider maybe it’s time to change that. A bit more background information would be helpful. I also agree that his doctor needs to know what is happening. It doesn’t sound safe for him to be alone in this condition. As M1 said medical and financial power of attorney are very important. Without these everything will be much more difficult. I hope you find some help here. All of this is so difficult.

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

Driving was a hot button item for my dad as well. It was compounded because we couldn't remove all the cars as mom was still driving so the visual trigger remained. We did get rid of "his" car— the Taurus he bought in the early mid-stages of dementia for full MSRP while mom was undergoing TKR. The man couldn't find the hotel across the street where he had a reservation to stay while she was in the hospital but he did find the dealership. You could see the hotel from mom's room's window, but dad couldn't get there or think to ask for help.

What mom did wrong in her denial was not being proactive around this. She should have locked down their credit with the reporting bureaus and made sure he didn't have access to cash to make so large a purchase. She also should have shut down his access to the internet where he lost $360K daytrading.

Dad carried on about driving until he died. Seriously. The last thing I told him was a promise to bring his car to the MCF and leave it in the employee parking lot. At that point it was never going to happen but it made him happy. In your shoes, I might remind him of the driving ban and lavish him with empathy (Validation Strategy). Dad always felt there was some hope he might be able to drive again. I didn't have a problem letting him have that delusion— the bigger piece was keeping him from behind the wheel.

If he's not seeing a geripsych for his meds, that would be my next goal. You want a specialist in psychoactive meds. That said, suicide ideation is grounds for a psych hold that could be a Plan B to be seen by a geripsych asap. Do you live somewhere he could walk to a train?

HB