The niggling things that add up

@M1

Exactly. My thoughts are running along the same lines today. Had to make an unexpected trip to the AL yesterday because Mom said her oxygen tube was broken. I told her to push her pendant for the staff. When I got there everything was fine with her oxygen.

However there was an issue with another resident who kept coming over to our table. ( we were working on a puzzle in the activity room- long story about the puzzle). The resident was wasted on pot, appears to have dementia, kept complaining he called an ambulance that wasn’t showing up. Then he’d wander off and return- repeatedly. I called a staff member to deal with that. Mom was unnerved and I finally escorted her back to her room and left.
Today I’m trying to deal with the out of state bank to get my late step-dads account transferred over to the joint account per the will etc. They aren’t making it simple. Then I have a doctor appointment and my spouse has a PT appointment.

It's exhausting just reading about it all. Some days feel like that old Ed Sullivan act where they used to spin plates on sticks for some reason. Or in the parlance of the youngs? I don't have spoons for that today.

Pulling up a chair. My rational niece is in Switzerland for work and asked me to remind my mom to check in with my challenging one who is in the hospital again. I think she has pneumonia and I heard something about blood clots; she's HIV+ and on suboxone to treat addiction. She is not firing on all cylinders and mom is currently being evaluated for memory loss. Mom decided to volunteer to get niece's cats spayed and neutered to prevent another unplanned litter. Somehow, I became the designation frontal lobe on this endeavor.

So far, the driver to whom I was hoping to turf this project is struggling to liaise between mom and niece as niece replied to one text about meeting her cat sitter to pick up said cats saying "Thanks for cleaning my apartment for me". Mom called to tell me that the male cat actually belongs to the cat sitter who is an ex-boyfriend. I don't want to risk neutering some stranger's cat, so I need contact information and his OK which the driver can't get.

Mom's driver, a family friend, brought up mom's uptick in confusion and said she is routinely calling my niece by my late sister's and my first names. I had been feeling as if maybe I was over-reacting to mom's memory lapses, so it was oddly reassuring to have someone bring it up. Mom likely had Lyme Disease and was treated, but it's not made a difference. MRI on Thursday and then we wait an estimated 8 months for a memory center appointment.

Running in the background a son on spectrum I'm trying to launch into adulthood, a friend facing big surgery and some procedures for me down the line.

HB

Dear M1 and all, I'm right there with you. My list of things that need to be done seems endless and all I really want to do is take a nice long nap. My new house is lovely but getting it this way has been a struggley…painters that did a terrible job and had to redo and correct their mistakes three times. They also washed their equipment in the dishwasher and left it with paint all over the bottom. They also clogged up the kitchen sink by washing dry wall mud down the drain. Then there was the black mold and asbestos to deal with and the carpet I picked out had been discontinued. The drapery fabric I picked out had also been discontinued. It has been an adventure and I cry sometimes because of all the responsibilities. Right now I am trying to get all the paperwork and documentation ready in order to get DH on long term Medicaid. I am also completing the necessary spend down to accomplish this. Who knew that spending money would be this stressful! There is also the endless change of addresses plus paying utilities and lawn care on two houses. I am trying desperately to get the old house ready to put on the market but right now there is still too much stuff in it to do this. I have to get everything packed up for the estate sale soon…very soon. There is also a problem with DH prescription drug plan. It is not contracted with the nursing home where he is in MC. Then there is the fact that I am overdo to re-certify for all of the tai chi forms that I teach. This has to be done every two years or I lose my board certification. The oil needs changing in the car and there is laundry piling up like a mountain in the garage. I still have not contacted a realtor about putting the old house on the market. Meanwhile, when I visit DH three times a week I need to be cheerful and very careful not to mention any of this to him. I'm so tired but there is no end in sight so with God's help I continue one day at a time. Someday maybe I will sleep in and just rest. I'm sorry we all need to be here but I am so glad to have you here. It is a comfort knowing you understand.

I'm glad I checked in and looked at this post today. Boy, did it bring back memories of when I was in the trenches along with you all. I'm now in Stage 8 and still feel this way occasionally—but each and every one of you dealing with all this @#$% in the here-and-now deserve the medal we'll never get for caregiving above and beyond the call of duty.

Special thanks to HB for the "designated frontal lobe" phrase (I agree that there should be t-shirts). And I also sympathize with her about the car accident. I wrecked our Prius in November 2020, back when DH was still living at home. I may or may not have run a red light due to extreme sleep deprivation (neither I nor the half-dozen witnesses were sure)—but the other driver was definitely doing 60 in a 30 zone. Frankly, we were both lucky to walk away from that one, and even luckier that no tickets were issued (at least not to me).

Thank you all for sharing a glimpse of your day-to-day lives here. I feel less alone. It's all too much. I'm still struggling to get my husband's disability so I can keep a roof over our heads and not become even more dependent on the government. I've got more questions for the CELA before sending the agreement letter and deposit. The pest guy (carpenter ants anyone?) was here yesterday and the mold guy comes tomorrow (attic mold that keeps returning despite repetitive remediation). DH has an appointment today. The laundry is piled up, the kitchen is trashed, there is no food in the house and the dog is working on another ear infection and needs to be groomed desperately (standard poodle). Two cars need oil changes and one car has a dead battery. Good grief… it never ends. This house is too much for me to care for on my own, but the rents are so ridiculous right now, I think it might be financial suicide for us to add a move in right now. That stress might do me in and I am in awe of the member that is dealing with a new home and has to sell an old one! Wow! And I so feel you on the incompetence out there. The lack of work ethic and overall stupidity I have come into contact with is beyond maddening. It's like the whole world has gone mad. It's 5am and I'm already exhausted thinking about all that needs to be done. Thank you, again, for this thread and I want the "frontal lobe" t-shirt too!