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Chiron · May 29

My DH is in the early stage of Alzheimers or dementia. He will not go to a doctor and is in denial about what is happening to him. I am slowly picking up all of his responsibilities but he is still able to do some of the things he used to do. Lately, it has just been so exhausting and I have become so isolated. I could use some friends that understand what is happening. His short term memory has recently become really bad. Because he has been prominent in our community I just can't talk to many people. I am trying to maintain his dignity but in order to do that it requires isolation. I love him so much but am finding that I am getting frustrated because instead of enjoying the life I thought we would have at this stage in our life, I am taking care of a farm, house, large property, animals and am a slave to the work - inside and out. Can you tell I am overwhelmed? LOL. Any encouragement would help right now.

SSHarkey · May 29

Welcome to this forum, Chiron! You have found exactly the right place for support, information, venting, crying, whatever need! You’re going to get a lot of initial information, legal matters, educational resources, and encouragement. We are all here for each are definitely not alone in this terrible journey we find ourselves in.

DTSbuddy · May 29

Chiron, One of the most helpful statements made to me when I was starting this journey was, 'There is no reason for embarrassment. Neither you nor he has done anything wrong." I had this feeling that I had to hide his behavioral oddities. But other people knew.

Our sons helps us get the medical diagnoses. A few of his friends continue to spend time with him, despite his disappearing language skills, taking him to play golf when he was still able, and to take walks now. We are city people. When he started wandering, I invited our neighbors to a block party, told them about his diagnosis, and made sure everyone had our phone number. We don't have the same social life that we used to, but many people have been friendly and helpful.

And I'm sure that you will find support and personal strength that you did not know you had. You will find that his accomplishments will motivate you to do an admirable job of managing the tasks ahead.

My DO has aphasia, he has lost the use of words, but he still remembers how he feels about things. It took me 20 minutes tonight to persuade him to take off his jeans and brush his teeth before getting in bed. He whispered 'Thank you' when he finally changed & brushed and got in bed. The brain is a strange organ, with a million different responses to any situation. Whatever your accomplishments, sum them up at the end of the day, and give yourself credit. Best of Luck.

M1 · May 29

Welcome to the forum Chiron.

Your DH is not in denial, he has anosognosia: this is a feature of the disease that prevents him from being able to perceive his deficits. He truly thinks he's fine. It's much more than denial, and not something that you can push through or that will go away with time.

The isolation and pulling away from other people is very common too. But i would encourage you to get comfortable telling people; it will help You survive the coming ordeal. And it will soon be evident to everyone. Many people with early stage disease don't want others to know, but i have only had people respond with compassion. His prominence in your community could be a teaching opportunity.

You may have to resort to "fiblets" or white lies to get him to the doctor. Such as there's a new insurance requirement, you have to be seen or you'll lose your coverage. Meanwhile you communicate with the doctor ahead of time about your concerns and observations.

if you look under Quick Links and Groups to the right, there is one for new members that includes much frequently cited information, including staging tools and advice about getting your legal and financial affairs in order, which should happen as soon as possible.

you have come to a good place for advice and support.

charley0419 · May 29

welcome!! It’s almost 2 yrs since wife diagnosed and anosognosia as strong as ever. I find short memory has gotten worse and get confused and tired a lot. Yesterday was first day she told me she’s depressed. Everyday something new.

Chiron · May 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210917#Comment_210917

Thank you

Chiron · May 30

Thank you

Chiron · May 30

Thank you

concerned_sister · May 30

Chiron,

I'm sorry to hear what you and your hubby are going through. I'll echo part of what DTSbuddy offered re, "Because he has been prominent in our community I just can't talk to many people. " This is a disease.

I remember I had to ponder something another poster said once. It was along the lines that we wouldn't judge someone with difficulty walking if they lost a leg to a disease. I hope with time you and your DH can reach out to the love and support that will be there for you to help you on your journey.

SDianeL · June 4

Talk to his Primary Care Doctor about your concerns and get him an appointment. The PC can refer him for testing to a Neurologist or Neuro Psychologist. If you haven't done so yet, read the book "The 36 Hour Day " it helped me a lot. A nurse recommended it. The next thing that may happen is your DH stops bathing. The book helped me get my DH to shower 2x a week. There are also links to videos that will help you understand the disease as it progresses. So sorry you are going through this. My DH is now in Memory Care, Late Stage 6. So sad.

Laurie1282 · June 5

I too was overwhelmed with the care of our large yard and beautiful older home. After my HWA was no longer able to use the mower or do much around the house, I bit the bullet, sold our home and moved across the country to live nearer our son and family. My advice would be to downsize and do whatever you can to make everyday life easier because the care your husband will eventually require will be all consuming. I am so thankful I moved to a smaller and easier to care for home. I wish you well!

Iris L. · June 5

Since he is prominent in the community, my personal suggestion would be to have some sort of community commemoration for him. Perhaps a small dinner at a nice restaurant with a few community members. Or, if he cannot get out, perhaps a statement could be read at a community meeting commemorating his many years in the area. Or perhaps a notice in the newspaper or local social media platform. You do not have to indicate that he has dementia, if you don't want to. But if you do, people will understand. If you get a chance, you might want to watch Glen Campbell's documentary of his Alzheimer's journey, since he was a celebrity.

Iris

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