Incontinence Question
My DH is starting with urinary incontinence. I have seen multiple wet briefs in the hamper on different occasions. He does not speak of it as I am sure he is embarrassed. He has not had nighttime incontinence yet. Because he isn't speaking of it, I am concerned that he will try to hide the briefs by flushing them down the toilet. Has anyone had this happen? I am thinking I should speak to him about it by saying that it is no big deal and this happens as we age. I was going to get a plastic lined small basket in the bathroom for him to put them in. I know we have to transition to incontinence briefs but I have done that yet. Any suggestions on incontinence men's briefs that don't look like diapers? He is still mobile and somewhat lucid most of the time.
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The pullup style worked for us when he transitioned to incontinence briefs. Depends makes a gray one that kinda looks like underwear. I was already setting out his clothes and helping him dress, so I just switched him over without fanfare. And yes, he tried to flush wet briefs. He also tried hiding them (under the bed, in the trash, etc. This was around the time I added child safety locks to the closets to avoid surprises). I truly felt so bad for him, because he was upset and embarrassed. I just answered matter-of-factly the few times he brought it up. "These will protect your clothes. It's not a big deal."
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I got the pull-ups, they look and feel more like underwear. So far so good.
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@trottingalong That's what I did too. Actually disappeared all DH’s boxers and just filled his underwear drawer with incontinence briefs (Depends at the time). One day he automatically started using them and we never discussed it. Every once in a while now when I change him he will ask what the pad is and I make a big deal of how much we like this underwear— saves on laundry and money yada yada.
Heads up: the pull ups don’t hold much volume. There is another thread on the Caregiver forum right now on the same topic. FYI, hospice provides a large liner pad insert option that we use with the pull-ups that works great. The hospice CNA suggested it after a few months of hearing me sigh and seeing me almost in tears with exhaustion at all the bedding and wardrobe changes multiple times day and night. Especially during 2-3 recurring UTIs he had in mid-stages. The diaper type was not a good fit and he could open the tabs.
I wish they had just provided us those with the pant liner insert pads to begin with since I was struggling with trial and error and changing him frequently to handle the volume of urine.
DH causes the most "accidents" these days by rearranging "things", sometimes in his sleep and sometimes I think he feels the urge and automatically does what he used to do pre Alz, pull it out and hold it. Problem is, he isn't standing in front of the toilet with his pants down, so the stream goes on his shirt, or out the leg of the briefs, or wherever. So I am frequently course correcting his positioning inside the briefs throughout the day or the pants and chux may get soaked and the pull up and liner are bone dry.
BIG LAUGH he gave me yesterday morning: DH made me laugh out loud as I was reaching into his pants yet again to straighten things after he had been rearranging… As I casually stuck my hand down his pants he said “Hey that’s mine! You’re gonna have to get your own!” 😂🤣
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thanks for the morning laugh!
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My LO started urinary incontinence about three weeks ago. The first time it happened was, of course, the one night I did not put pull-ups on him. I woke up to a soaked him and bedding. Thank goodness I had already placed waterproof mattress pad over mattress.
I use the Dry Direct Ultimate Protective Underwear that I buy from parentgiving.com for overnight; they have more coverage than store bought ones, have not leaked (yet) and are super absorbent (they were recommended on this forum). For daytime I use Assurance or CVS brand, I like them better than Depends.
He won't let me know when he is wet so I check him throughout the day. Denise, as an FYI, my LO occasionally throws the briefs in the toilet however, they get so waterlogged that they do not go down the toilet! Hooray for the little things that make me happy ! LOL
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@ButterflyWings, that’s the second time in a week or two that you mentioned your DH not only talking, but making little jokes. That requires some reasoning ability. Is he usually still this verbal in stage 7? I’d say that is a big win!
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My husband washed and dried his Depends twice!
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@jfkoc you gotta love it, right? He gets an A for effort! DH hung his wet Depends up (on their own hanger) in the closet once before I knew to start checking there back in early incontinence days. I was following the odor after a couple of days and voila.
@ImMaggieMae No! He is barely verbal these days so it really is making me marvel and also grin from ear to ear when he comes out with these gems! I don't think he was making a joke though. Sometimes he holds on to his pull up for dear life and won't let me pull it down to change the pad insert. But when seated next to him I've gotten pretty good at quickly slipping my hand down under the waistband of his pants and making sure things are pointed in the right direction and I'm done before he can protest.
I often quickly grab something from him while chatting too, especially now that he's trying to bite anything in reach from his blanket to the pillowcase, to the thingy at the end of the drawstring, to the fluff he's picked out of the disposable chux, etc. I believe maybe he thought I was taking something from him (though it was part of him and in his pants), and he was able to tell me so. Still it was hilarious.
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Well, at least he made sure they were really clean. And he’s thrifty too. I’m impressed. Lol. Did they stay in one piece? I’m surprised they didn’t end up like the dreaded Kleenex in the pants pockets!
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@ButterflyWings that still requires some reasoning. What about telling you you should take better care of, or watch your things when he grabbed that envelope with your notes from the other side of the couch as a snack? Sounds to me like there’s still some thought processing (and a little bit of snark) going on in that brain.
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Yes you are right about that. It definitely is interesting to see clear evidence of what our LOs can still do, even in the face of so much dementia progression.
The snark is 100% him as is his overall gentle approach even when expressing disapproval. Don’t get me wrong, we have had some terrible, horrible days before Seroquel and during UTIs, but generally I’m so fortunate that his core personality is still intact.
We’ve made it this far - Stage 7 and it is moving a lot faster than Stage 6 did - so I’m taking whatever I can get. I know time is running out and I’m going to miss this guy.
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Thanks for the laugh and your experience.
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Thank you so much. Did you ever in your life think you would be dealing with this? I am still shaking my head on this journey. I am so grateful for the people on this site who so willing help each other.
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OMG! You can't make this stuff up.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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