New member, need support/advice

SusanB-dil,

Thank you so much for your reply and the condolences! You brought up a very good point about the driving and insurance potentially refusing to pay for damages if there were to be an accident, aside from the obvious fear of anyone getting injured. I may actually be able to use that point help him understand the consequences and added risks. My husband and I have talked and are planning to disable the vehicles in some way (taking a main fuse, a spark plug, or something), as taking his keys would be a tricky fight since he always keeps them in his pants pocket.

He is currently living alone. I am planning to have a "family meeting" with him, my aunt (his sister and only living sibling), my husband, and my cousin (the only one willing to help out) to discuss the options of where he needs to be. In the meantime, I am installing some cameras to at least check in on him, along with daily texts or calls. He does have one neighbor, who was also extremely helpful when mom was on hospice, and I have already updated her and asked her to let me know of anything concerning that she notices. She also usually sees or talks to him daily, and even takes him meals from time to time. Unfortunately, there are no adult care centers close. There is a small senior center in town that he could go to, but so far he is refusing to do that. I have started reaching out to other family members, and some other folks that dad has always had good relationships with. My hope is that these people with try to visit, or at least call to chat once in a while, to decrease his isolation.

With the POA, I will take your advice and make sure that all necessary agencies have it on file. Fortunately, my mother did have me added to the bank accounts quite some time ago. She also had me help her set up autopay on most of their bills, when she realized something wasn't right with her. I basically took over all of their bills when I realized how sick mom was and found a bill that had been turned into collections. So, I am at least on top of that part of his life now. I will also speak to the people at the bank to see about canceling his debit card, that may be the only way to get him to stop spending money on these manipulators.

As for food/groceries, I will need to check his kitchen when I go over. I am sure there are probably things that are expired/spoiled, as I noticed this was an issue when mom was on hospice. I know he doesn't eat well now, unless he is out with other people. He eats well when I take him to appointments and we go to lunch/breakfast afterwards, or if someone invites him to eat with them. I will be the one taking him shopping from here on out, so I will make sure there are groceries that he can and will eat in the home. I will also start taking him some home cooked meals, or check on the meals-on-wheels program (meals delivered to seniors). My only concern with myself or a program delivering food is that I noticed he typically eats very little, or eats junk foods, if he is left alone to eat "when he's hungry."

I feel awful because I was more "on top of" certain things when mom was on hospice and dying. I was cleaning the kitchen/fridge out regularly, cleaning and organizing. I just became so frustrated because it would literally be only days for things to get out of hand again. The people taking advantage of him now were also in the home at the time, so I guess I thought it was more them just being slobs (which they are), but now I see it was also dad and apparently part of this disease. Any advice on trying to help him, by keeping up with household and food things, while also combating my own frustrations and exhaustion?

Thanks again!

Thank you for your response! Yes, his inability to see what is happening with him is already proving to be a major challenge. I will take your advice and search out some other threads for advice on how to move forward in the face of these challenges. This is the support I need right now!