Memory Care

I think you are right to bow to the inevitable. If you look back at your old discussions, this was what a lot of us mentioned to you as a possibility a ways back. I know you are grieving her losses, but I hope you will be pleasantly surprised that she does well with the right level of support. But I’m sorry that you are having a tough time with it, truly.

I dreaded moving my mom to MC too ... knew it would be needed "someday" but not as soon as it actually became necessary. Once she got there, it was so evident that she needed it. She is much more comfortable and at peace in the smaller environment with more staff support for her growing needs. Thinking about the move ahead of time was a bigger struggle for me than the actual change was for her. I hope it will be that way for your mom too.

As for bringing her to your house ... can your family provide 24/7 supervision? Watching that she doesn't turn on the stove, toss out important mail, wander down the road … including during the night? Not to mention the battles over bathing, dressing, meals. At some point, you won't be able to leave home without engaging a caregiver who knows how to handle dementia. It's harder than having a toddler because kids can learn new skills, and their ability to reason grows over time. With dementia, it's a backward slide. You are right to consider the effect of constant caregiving on your marriage as well as other relationships.