Travel with spouse in middle stage

I gave up travel in Stage 4. To put it bluntly, it was no longer fun for me or worth the cost and effort to continue to travel. My wife is now in Stage 6.

My last trip with my dear wife was 5 years ago, in June of 2019. It was not a disaster, but it was not much fun either. I felt that any travel after that would be even more difficult and disappointing, so I let it go.

Getting my wife to the daycare so that I can continue to work is hard enough. I cannot imagine adding the complexities of airports, car rentals, hotels, public restrooms, restaurants, and museums. Even the thought of it fills me with dread.

Incontinence, to me, is a traveling deal-breaker. I need access to a private bathroom, shower, clean towels, clean bed sheets, her wardrobe, and a washer/dryer at all times. Managing her incontinence while on a trip does not sound relaxing or fun for either of us. She would keep repeating "I want to go home" the whole time anyway.

The idea of having friends or family help me with her during a trip had crossed my mind. Sadly, no one ever invites us along, and I am not comfortable suggesting it. Even if someone deigned to invite us, I would simply be a traveling caregiver. I am not going to ask a friend to take my wife to the restroom to possibly deal with a real mess.

Someday, in a time far into the future, in a galaxy far, far away, there is a version of me that plans to resume travel. Whether that day actually ever arrives is anyone's guess.

Love Bill_2001

My DH (stage 4) and I took a trip to Europe last September. It was a nightmare. The airport and flying there 9 hours, caused a lot of problems. He was fidgeting and behaved like a 5 yr old. He wet his pants, spilled his drink on the TV, wiped he wet pants on my blanket and the stuffed his wet underwear between the seats. On the cruise ship, He walked out in the hall naked, then wanted to know where his truck was parked. We were on a cruise. It got worse from there. I had too much expectations and was upset a lot. I ended up in the hospital with food poisoning. We took another trip a couple weeks ago ( our last flight). I had little expectations and that helped me. We stayed in the hotel room most of the time and watched movies. He was delusional. This is the end of our travels beyond an hour away. I read that during intense travel, our LO behavior goes into the next stage. We had a lot of confusion and he thought someone else was traveling with us. The trip was not worth the time and money. Take care, Butterflywings is spot on. Lowering my expectations made the last trip bearable. I will not be able to take him on any airlines, maybe a short car ride.

I also wanted to travel with my DH (maybe stage 4, edging into stage 5?). And I've planned several trips but ended up canceling them all. He wanted so badly to go one day but the next day could not remember the itinerary and got more and more agitated as the trip approached. It was a nightmare to continually answer his questions and repeated comments of "why was I not consulted about this trip?." You know what I'm talking about!

His stress also became somatic - last year he fell and fractured his back and throughout the year when stressed, his pain reappeared. Now, almost a year later, when planning the last trip his pain increased dramatically. Eventually I realized that he would not be able to manage airports, tours, etc due to his agitation, anxiety, confusion, memory and/or pain and I would be a caretaker, not a participant, even with much lowered expectations. I tried to get family or friends to go with us, even offering to pay their way, but no one could or would. When I finally cancelled the last trip, I felt such a sense of relief and much of my stress disappeared. That helped me know it was the right decision.

How did he handle it when we cancelled? He had a moment of "I'm very disappointed" but then forgot about it all within an hour.

Some day I will travel again, probably as an old woman, but with gusto! But that day is not now.

I already said on another thread that my instinct would say don’t do it. Again the world would he do if something happened to you? If you do decide to do it I would take a third person and buy travel insurance

I would buy travel insurance and, if you do go, I would buy a medical insurance policy for each of you to cover you for medical care in whatever country you visit. I would also seriously consider getting a separate medical evacuation policy for each of you. But truly, if you became incapacitated during the trip, what would happen to your loved one? And truly, is the expense really worth what your loved one will derive from the trip at this point? I have a daughter with a disability who requires “direct line of sight” care. We don’t bring her to Europe on vacation. 1 of us takes our son and the other stays home with our daughter. Different situation, I know, but an example of the hard decision we have had to make.

I could have written your post. My DH is also stage 6 and I share your feelings.

Our last travel was a 9 hour drive to Atlanta for an event I couldn't miss. He had his 1st episode of urinary incontinence on that trip and my caregiving duties increased across the board. No fun. Not doing it again.