Thanks for the help as I go through this

It sounds like your LO and my DW are in similar places in this journey. I wish I had some magical formula to tell you and make it easier but I don't.

I spend my days walking on eggs, trying to make sure I don't do or say anything that will hurt her feelings. She still takes care of her ADL's but IADL's are another story. She does however insist on doing some of them herself and I want her to feel like she still has some control.

She insists on filling her pillbox once a week. It is quite a chore since she has 10 morning meds and 12 in the evening. I supervise and only give her one med at a time to fill but she will usually get some in the wrong place and we end up dumping them all out, then we determine which one is which and reload.

I asked yesterday if she would be ok with me loading the pillbox and she agreed as long as she can supervise. I hope she remembers.

At the moment she is listening to an investment seminar on her laptop, diligently taking notes and making preparations. When it is over she won't remember what it was about and won't know what her notes are about but it makes her feel productive.

You mentioned finding a group to attend. I highly recommend it. There are some on this thread who don't find them helpful but for me , it is the only time I can actually say what I feel and I value the experience.

As far as advice, I would say you should try to do a little something for yourself any time you can, and try to find some humor in your day.

Hang in there !

I hope you find some solace in the support you get from this forum. They have kept me somewhat sane. I have learned NOT to tell my DH any plans ahead of time to alleviate the questions. He is not going to remember anyway. For example, my sister occasionally stays with my DH while I go out for a couple of hours. I don't tell him at all. She appears and I say I have got to run some errands and leave. He asks my sister where I went but then that is the end of it. It works with all other plans.

Try to adjust to the new normal of not consulting and planning with your partner as they are unable to make decisions at this point. It will just cause confusion, angst and frustration.

When I don't understand his language, I have learned to say "ah ha" a lot when the conversations don't make sense so that there is an acknowledgeable of what is said without causing frustration.

I put a luggage tracker in his wallet to locate him on my iPhone if he should stray. It gives some sense of security and peace.

Yes, you are essentially speaking to a 8-year-old because of the brain damage. He cannot help his situation. It is never ending, and I just thank God it isn't me with the Alzheimer's.

My DH was diagnosed in 2018, but I knew something was wrong at least 3 years before that, but the doctor dismissed me. I still get angry at the situation, get resentful and am so tired. Don't beat yourself up as you are human. We are all self-protective and wanting a quality of life and that doesn't make you selfish. It is how we are wired.

Every day I pray for God to take him so that he doesn't have to go through the gradual decline to total helplessness. I see my pray as compassionate and loving. I would want that for myself. No one should have to live in such a state of horror, confusion and debilitation.

Hi there. Yes to all of that, including feeling selfish and so dang tired. I have found that I go from that feeling of exhaustion and feeling selfish, to deep despair, depression and anger, to I'm fine and I can keep doing it. But, I know that cycle at some point will break and I'll need more help. I'm not there yet, but based on the recent depths of my despair and anger, I know it's coming.

On not remembering when you told him about things upcoming, this one got pretty easy for me after a time, but it sure took a while. I just say, "I'm sorry. I must have forgotten to tell you." Even when I've told my DW several times.

The harder one that I think I've finally surmounted was the time it takes to do things when my DW is involved. I'm cranking through doing so much and sometimes feel like I don't have enough hours in the day. My DW wants so desperately to help with everything. I have accepted some of that help, but switched it to things that don't really matter in what I'm doing. She is a toddler now and trying to help and I've accepted that, so she gets to fold things, or pick up things maybe not even related to what I'm doing. It's distraction to her presented to her as she is helping.

The even bigger hurdle for me was how long everything takes when it's with her "help" and just do to anything when we're together. I finally gave up on that too. I plan for the extra time now. I'm resigned to it, and honestly, it's not so terrible for me now that I've accepted it. What in the heck was a rushing around for anyway?

Hang in there and trust your gut when you think you're ready for help.

We can totally understand what you're going through. There are so many things we go through each day, each hour, that only someone in the same situation can understand. I am alone in the caregiving, no children and no family close by, just a few friends that we see occasionally. I am NEVER alone (except for a few minutes a day where he goes out to pick up leaves in the yard). I long for meaningful conversation, so when we're with friends, I talk a mile a minute…then DH gets irritated because I'm talking too much! It's been a tough adjustment to realize that my needs and my desires are on the back burner now. It's hard not to feel like you're being selfish.

I have not been much into journaling (mainly because I don't get time alone to do it), but I began using DayOne journaling app where I record "Daily Joys" and "Challenges". It makes me think each day about the positives while also tracking his progression.