waste of time and energy

As I read your post, I begin to sizzle at the arrogance and insensitivity of these people. You are taking the higher road and that is best for you and your DW. I am always amazed at the oblivion of people who have no self-awareness of their actions.

I would take the high road and just say she isn't up for visitors. That said, I totally understand wanting to tell them to pound sand.

NO! I am usually an advocate of “taking the high road”, but something is fishy here. Someone tried to sneak in without your knowledge, someone does not want to speak with you, someone tries to manipulate the situation through third party intervention- - NO! You have enough on your plate; you owe them nothing. Ignore them; they’ll go away. They’ll probably bad mouth you, but hopefully, they’ll go away. Good luck; stay strong.

Honestly I'd block their numbers and/or email addresses and be done with them. It might be worth asking the facility what they would do if they show up again without your permission. DH and I blocked someone from visiting his LO at MC (not a relative and too long of a story for here) and even ended up consulting with an attorney as they were providing false information about who they were in order to find out about our LO's status - both financial and health wise. We could have pursued a restraining order but blocking them seemed to work. I think you go with your instincts about them, you are probably correct.

M1 - I have to agree with others that no response is what I'd do. And I think I'd block their number. There's no reason for you to have another text that you feel you need to respond to.

I don't know that it's "weird", but it sure is fishy, and selfish. This person tried to bypass you, and instead of talking to you, got a third party to intervene on her behalf, with no thoughts to your partner's well-being, or your well-being. I don't trust these two.

Usually I try to take the high road with people, but this is beyond the pale. I'm with the folks who said you owe these people nothing. I'd let staff at your partner's memory care facility know though — just in case she shows up again and tries to get in ("oh, I forgot the password, but M1 said it's okay if I visit").

No advice to give. Sorry that you are dealing with this on top of everything else.

Very sorry to hear this has happened again M1. I have predatory haters in our situation as well and understand how important it is that you stop the madness as soon as possible.

I think you will make the best decision on exactly how to heighten the restriction on these two people, if I recall the number correctly. This is so problematic and beyond disrespectful of you both. Even moreso since it is a repeat of trying to force themselves on someone who cannot say "no", attempting again to bypass you (life partner, POA, primary caregiver). Oh no she didn't!

So, my first instinct was like Jeanne C. and the passwords that came to mind were anything but the high road. More like K.I.S.S.M.Y. (blankety blank) or G.O.2 (u know where)! But more rationally, I would probably use a combination of the things almost everyone here has suggested, and…

1. Respond clearly - once - e.g. "Please do not continue to overstep. No visits."
2. Then block them, as you do not need to be harassed by these hostile jerks - nor does your LO
3. Give their names again, and possibly photos, to management to reinforce that under no circumstances are they to visit her. Make sure they will alert any/all reception staff.

I would have no qualms about getting a restraining order if they try again. As before, this does not pass the smell test. If you have to take that legal step next, then the written notice in #1 will help verify that they have been clearly told "No" but are expressly disregarding your instructions as her POA and surrogate guardian.

I agree to block their numbers. I had to do this to our nephew. He was causing such an upset.

My question is why would your partner ask for the code? Were they able to get a message to her?

Stick to your guns and don’t bother to respond and block their numbers? Also, does your partner have a phone? If so. I would block the numbers on that phone too.

Sounds harsh and not what we would normally do, but you have to protect your partner.

I would not respond further. I don’t think I would block them as you might want to know if they start making statements that sound threatening. I’m glad that the facility can handle them via a password. What is their policy of these people start making a scene or somehow involve law enforcement? Will they feel obligated to let them in? If so, I’d ask your lawyer what you can do to prevent that.

Geez! How annoying! I think I would say we are no longer accepting visitors beyond immediate family and close friends.

@M1 , I concur with those who advise blocking. Block their email addresses, block their phone numbers, and don’t respond. There are not enough hours in the day to spend any time dealing with stuff like this, especially with what you are you partner are currently experiencing.

Think I would say your partner is no longer accepting visits from you now or in the future. We ask that you do not bother the nursing home, or waste their time as they are following our instructions legally.