Went looking for love

ouch. I'm so sorry. You're not the only one who has done this, and it's no one's business but yours, IMHO. But—goes to show that the reality is more than most people can cope with. I believe you are caring for your wife at home? I would make the suggestion that when/if you are ready to try again, you hire someone to stay with your wife—even for just a few hours—so that you can go out and meet people outside your home. It would probably do you good in multiple ways.

No guilt. I heard it first here, (from Crushed) that you have to do whatever works for you, to try and survive this disease so it does not take two. Like M1 said, it is your business only. I agree it seems best not to bring anyone you don't really know, into your home if you have other options, but maybe you did not. I think it says a lot about you not just going out and leaving your DW alone if that is the case.

Also, if you were thinking that you wanted to be honest with this person about your commitment to your DW, and also hoping it might be longer term just testing the waters to see how they would support over time, you got your answer though it hurts. I'm sorry for that, but also it is better to know that early than later.

As far as SDianeL's caution I don't disagree at all. I would never, ever, ever leave a loved one (child, PWD) or our personal information with a stranger by bringing them in to our home. Well, like most things, that statement and stance was "Before Dementia". I've done exactly that, SO many times in the past year+ now, attempting to get a consistent HHA who can help us navigate DH's care needs. I don't feel like I have a choice if I want help. (We don't have a choice really).

I realize it might be a bit different when you are looking for love and bring someone home that you don't really know, but lots of us are forced into doing it by this disease, for other reasons like getting respite or regular aide to help make the (over)load more manageable, and like you just did — boy am I also getting repeated disappointments from people who aren't really in it as they initially say they are.

"We just do the best we can". That's something my DH said the other day, which shocked me as his aphasia is advanced so he doesn't speak all that much. I think it applies very well. Keep the faith.

I held my breath as I began to scan the comments.

Grateful for the care and compassion in this group.

Take care of the big picture as well as the small. You receieved excellent advice here.

there are all sorts of levels of companionship. You mention texts, phone calls etc. Then a visit to your home. Did you see her at all in real life outside your home or do you not have reliable help so that you can leave your home regularly?
I ask because I think you should start slower. Stay off the dating sites and start venturing out in real life. Not rushing to date, but just to spend time with people. Hang out at a local fast food place or diner during breakfast hours. There’s a daily group there - they will absorb you if you are there often enough. Take a walk the same time every day at a park or on a local street. Volunteer at a local charity once a week for an hour or two.
If you start slow, you might make a real connection with a compatible woman in time.

I'm in a similar place though DW is now in memory care. I waited until after placement to actually try meeting new people, also trying the online route. I have been missing adult conversations more than anything for the last couple of years at least. As expected, the results range from sympathetic to scammers to harsh critics, and a few gems. The good ones are those who know the reality from a close family member or from working in or near healthcare or long term care. I am completely honest about being in a strange place emotionally, and my attention will be divided perhaps for a long time to come. Not a great foundation for a relationship, but new friends maybe.

I have stated before that I will not be looking for anyone. I just figure no woman will want to take a battery of cognitive tests as a prerequisite to a relationship. :) I'm certainly not going through this again. (please accept this as humor).

Hi Crkddy, I am writing as someone who fell in love with a man who is the primary caregiver for his girlfriend. She has early onset Alzheimer’s and is about stage 6.

The gentleman and I have become very close, and I will admit that I hope to have a future together. While he has allowed himself to imagine that it could happen, he is very careful not to make any promises. He does not want to give me false hope when they are facing so many unknowns. And her care has to be a priority; this is something I’ve never questioned.

In the meantime, we communicate constantly, and I offer what I can—practical and emotional support, adult conversation, a deep friendship. Sometimes I see my role as a lifeguard, throwing him a lifeline before he drowns in the stress and isolation the disease causes.

I really smiled when I read your update to your story. I, too, am hopeful and excited that you and your sweet person don’t want to give up yet. I wish you the best.