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Death watch

M1
M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

I think my partner has given up and is starting to actively die. She sleeps the vast majority of the time, will wake up briefly to eat now and then if I feed her (makes no effort to feed herself that I’ve seen). She must get up a little bit at times that I’m not there because things are still moved around in her room a little bit. She still makes it to the toilet here and there, I found her this morning having taken her Depends off and put her pants back on backwards. But they’ve found her on the floor twice during the night this week. Most of what she says makes no sense. She tells me she’s hungry and when she’s had enough. Mostly I sit here reading while she’s asleep. She doesn’t respond to music or television. She does still recognize me and tells me she loves me.

I wish I knew how long this would continue. Everything feels on hold and on vigil. I want it to be over for both our sakes. My fear is that it continues far too long. Very little quality of life now.

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  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,479
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    @M1

    I hope for both your sakes that your LO had a gentle end.

    HB

  • fmb
    fmb Member Posts: 401
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    edited July 12

    Weeping and praying for you both. May God be merciful.

  • Jazzma
    Jazzma Member Posts: 112
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    Thinking of you. You have been on this road a long time and you're devoted to your wife. Wishing you both a peaceful transition and some happiness in your life.

  • DTSbuddy
    DTSbuddy Member Posts: 89
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    How wonderful that she knows you, and can express her love. Wonderful for them that you are there. I had the privilege of being with my stepdad in his last week. I wish I had played music, and reminisced with him more, he would have enjoyed that. I am collecting a list of my DH's favorite music as I know it relaxes him and he enjoys it. We have a few years to go before the end.

  • easy23
    easy23 Member Posts: 212
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    Wishing you strength and I hope hospice is helping you through these trying days.

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 486
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    (((Hugs))) (((Hugs)))(((Hugs)))

  • RetiredTeacher
    RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 37
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69858/death-watch

    My hear breaks for you and what ypu are both having to endure. I understand the emotion that death would be a blessing. It is so tough to watch the ones we love slip away and have to exist with little quality of life. I said a special prayer for you. Although our situation is not that far along yet, we are all in the same boat and will all have to go through what you are going through. May you find some peaceful moments along this journey.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 852
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69858/death-watch

    M1, I am so sorry. That must be draining. It is so cruel to have to go through that both for you and your partner.

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 713
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    M1, my heart goes out to you both. May the universal force be merciful. Just know you've done your best, in every way, to care for your wife.

    (I sort of dread and welcome this phase, especially since I don't know how long my own journey will be…so conflicted.)

  • GothicGremlin
    GothicGremlin Member Posts: 857
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    I looked at your post for a long time before replying. I'm just so sorry.

    On one hand, it feels so fast and sudden, and on the other hand, it feels like forever. And then there are the conflicted feelings of not wanting your partner to suffer anymore and the dread of not getting to see her everyday.

    I understand that feeling of your partner giving up. Peggy was there too. I remember her saying to me (a couple of times in her more lucid moments) "I can't do this anymore."

    For both of you I hope that this phase goes quickly and peacefully.

  • tigersmom
    tigersmom Member Posts: 210
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    @M1 , I am so very sorry. I am praying for a peaceful passage for her, and for you.

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 174
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    I'm sending gentle, positive thoughts to you both during this transition. God speed.

  • Buggytoo
    Buggytoo Member Posts: 91
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    Wishing for a peaceful transition away from this painful earthly journey.

  • Caro_Lynne
    Caro_Lynne Member Posts: 371
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    M1, I cannot imagine how difficult and heartbreaking it must be for you. Just know we are here for you xo

  • housefinch
    housefinch Member Posts: 399
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    Sending you strength, comfort, and support

  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,482
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    I’m sorry. To answer your question, dad went this route and he made it a couple weeks. Every day was more sleeping, hardly any eating or drinking. After the first week, I don’t think he made it up even to go to the bathroom. He just didn’t have the energy.

    I hope things go peacefully for both of you.

  • clarinetist
    clarinetist Member Posts: 158
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    I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s very hard to be in this limbo. I hope the end is fast and painless for her.

  • ThisLife
    ThisLife Member Posts: 261
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    Sending comforting vibes your way. There are a mix of many emotions. Hoping for a peaceful passing.

  • gampiano
    gampiano Member Posts: 329
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    may this last part of the journey go quickly for both of you. It' been a long road.

    Sending loving thoughts,

    Maureen

  • FTDCaregiver1
    FTDCaregiver1 Member Posts: 111
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    praying for you both for peace.

  • Phoenix1966
    Phoenix1966 Member Posts: 203
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    I’m glad that you are both present for each other as her life transitions. Wishing you both peace in the coming days.

  • White Crane
    White Crane Member Posts: 882
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    Dear M1, my heart is breaking for you. I know how long and how hard this journey has been for both of you. Holding you both close in prayer and praying for a peaceful release.

    Brenda

  • LaneyG
    LaneyG Member Posts: 164
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    M1 there is nothing I can add to the eords offered you here. Just know I’m thinking of you. Wishing you the comfort and peace you both deserve. One day at a time…..

  • LJCHR
    LJCHR Member Posts: 197
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    So sorry for you both. Praying for a peaceful transition. Will keep you in my prayers.

  • HangingIn
    HangingIn Member Posts: 26
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    Thinking of and wishing you both peace.

  • Kibbee
    Kibbee Member Posts: 229
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    I am sorry to hear this. If it is the end, I hope your loved one slips away peacefully, and that you find comfort in the memories of your time together.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 967
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    so sorry. 🙏❤️

  • justbreathe2
    justbreathe2 Member Posts: 112
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/215710#Comment_215710

    So sorry M1. It is so difficult watching our love ones slowly fade away. My heart breaks for you. Thinking of you.

  • Crkddy
    Crkddy Member Posts: 87
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    M1, I know that words cannot begin to provide comfort that is needed at this time. You have already seen that you have so much support in this community and hopefully you find some comfort in that. May both of you find peace.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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