thinking of her

Dunno · July 17

Tonight I'm sitting here in my recliner, half lit on bourbon, while my wife of 53 years sleeps on the couch next to me. I started thinking about how caring for her 24/7 has become my routine, and how much I miss some of the seemingly simple things she used to do for me… She would cook these tasty little yellow potatoes with our meals. Then, in the morning, if there were any leftover potatoes, she'd whip up these unbelievably delicious hash browns from the little yellow potato leftovers… with two over-easy eggs, sausage, and toast. i know it sounds so simple but she loved doing that for me because i so enjoyed what she made.

anyone care to share some of the simpler things you miss that you used to enjoy together before this nightmare began

Pat6177 · July 17

intelligent conversation

yearofthedragon · July 17

I miss when my mom used to cook. she used to be a great cook. she cant even pour a cup of water for herself or make a cup of tea anymore. she sits and i cook and bring food to her, no matter how drained i am

ButterflyWings · July 17

No matter how busy his schedule was, he'd pop by my office at least once a week to take me to lunch. Never mind that we'd see each other for dinner anyway - he said I shouldn't have to cook every meal and plus he wanted to see me in the middle of the workday. ❤️

Until dementia, DH never once forgot my birthday (even when I did!) and would surprise me with the sweetest cards. Chocolates on Mother's Day. Flowers for no reason.

I miss him so much.

AnderK · July 17

Sailing…

trottingalong · July 17

my husband used to surprise me with tiny flowers he would find in our yard or somewhere on a beach walk. It would always be one tiny, beautiful flower sitting in a shot glass on my kitchen windowsill or counter. It was always such a sweet thought to come home to. I miss that.

ghphotog · July 17

Taking our dogs with us to go out to eat. That was one thing we enjoyed together. Sitting on the patio someplace with Lenny and Sqiuggy as I called them. She is now in memory care and can no longer go to eat in public without acting out.

Now every afternoon after visiting her I stop and have a couple of beers by myself before heading back to a lonely empty house.

M1 · July 17

Coming home from a hard day to soft music, candles, a hot bath, a glass of wine. Listening to Prairie Home Companion together on Saturday evenings with a little wine and cheese. Laughing at nothing and everything.

Thank you for this thread Dunno.

Joydean · July 17

so many little things that I miss. I miss all the hugs and hearing him say “I love you!”. The laughter, now our home feels so empty.

charley0419 · July 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69903/thinking-of-her

I miss the great cook and so many different things she’d make, I miss her getting my jokes, I miss our closeness, I just miss HER.

fmb · July 17

DH: Listening to music in the evening as we both read in our recliners. Dancing a rumba in the kitchen. Sitting outside watching the world go by. Intelligent conversation and his dry wit. Our inside jokes. Most of all I desperately miss hugs.

My mother: Our nightly phone calls and just hearing her voice. She's in MC (early stage 7 ALZ) 1000 miles away, and I haven't seen her in 21 years.

Thank you, Dunno. I needed this. It makes me grateful for all that I had with them and all that I still have.

Kat63 · July 17

Wow, this thread made me think about what I miss most. So so many things, but I miss my husband that always made me aware of how much he loved me. It could just be a smile from across the room, or a simple hug from him when he walked by me during the day. I miss the feeling of being in love I always had with him when he was him. The last time I had that was 6 years ago and remember it well as he had already been changed by the terrible disease but still able to go on his annual fishing trip to Canada. When he returned from his trip that year and walked in the door to embrace me, there he was, my HUSBAND and I immediately felt the immense feeling I always had for him that I couldn’t deny if I tried to. The feeling we had for each other from the day we met!! So busy being care giver, I haven’t reflected on our amazing love for such a long time. Thanks for starting this thread Dunno.

CindyBum · July 17

On our first date, my DW and I went on a hike and stopped at a look-out. We sat there talking for nearly 3 hours. It was deep stuff and lighthearted stuff and we laughed and laughed. We never stopped talking and laughing together until this damn disease. I miss her laugh. I miss her remarkable EQ and how she helped me understand emotions and other people and myself better.

FTDCaregiver1 · July 17

Those quiet reflections on the couch with my DW next to me sleeping with her head resting on my shoulder somehow trigger what I miss with us as well. Walking just about every day was our thing and fishing on our bass boat and her competitive manner in suddenly casting over to my spot after I caught a fish with a devilish grin on her face.

Jeanne C. · July 17

I miss how we used to talk about everything and nothing. We could talk for hours on end. After our first date, we sat in the car and talked until morning (ok, there was some kissing, too) and I just knew…

Thank you, Dunno. Great thread.

Stan2 · July 17

Just seeing her smile would brighten my world. She smiles so seldom anymore.

ronda b · July 17

Having coffee and talking in the morning for aleast an hour or so before we started our day. Sometimes it was serious Sometimes just laughing at stuff. No more.

Crkddy · July 17

Just being curled up together on the couch watching an old movie, eating popcorn, and holding each other tight. Not having to say a word, but still communicating deeply with each other.

RetiredTeacher · July 18

RetiredTeacher · July 18

I wonder how many of us are out there. We struggle with the reality of our situation and know we can't change it, just trying to survive this. Those of us who have never drunk much have turned to wine or spirits to help us through the evenings. It is so hard. Never thought I'd ever be in this place and just trying to survive another night to get up and be a 24/7 caregiver. I see years of my life flying by, knowing I need to see this through for him but trying to save myself in the process. Anybody out there understand?

mathreader · July 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216072#Comment_216072

Yes, Intelligent conversation. I weigh in my mind whether or not I want to approach any conversation because I know it won't be followed and I will spend a lot of time trying to explain it. On the other hand, when I let DH do the talking, the conversation lately makes absolutely no sense at all. Your comment was perfect for me tonight.

mathreader · July 18

Wow - your post was perfect tonight. I miss my DH who was sensible and capable; who made sense out of situations, who could put things in perspective, who kept me company in the evening, who could fix anything, ….. Now he looks for people who aren't here, he can't figure out so many things, he makes conversation so difficult that you have to decide whether or not it's worth starting, and who falls asleep anywhere and anytime. I'm a really patient person, but this is trying for me. I wake up each day wanting to be there for him and to be kind, but sometimes it's so hard. And I'm on my 3rd glass of wine.

mathreader · July 18

By the way, 51 years for us.

AlzWife2023 · July 18

everything

I miss everything he did for me

I miss him

I miss everything we did together

& I can’t believe that I must avoid him now and takes breaks from him to try to maintain my sanity

Camping was awesome

Sending love to you all cuz it really really really sucks but helps a little to know we are not alone

tigersmom · July 18

I miss just sitting in bed and laughing. We laughed so much! And I miss being spoiled by him. For 25 years of our 28-year marriage, I never had to drive anywhere. He did it. I never had to pump gas. He did it. If I found a dress I liked and was thinking of buying, I would model it for him and he would always say the same thing: "You should get two." How I miss that guy.

DTSbuddy · July 18

I miss his good judgment, and help in keeping our house in good order. I miss his protection, and his support.and his guidance. We have a plumbing leak. He would know what to do. The yard is full of weeds. He would get out the weed wacker and fix it. He would get out the can of paint and keep the house looking nice. And enjoy doing it .

ImMaggieMae · July 18

After 45+ years of marriage I miss just sitting around and talking. I miss his voice. Close to two years ago he started whispering all the time instead of talking out loud. Now, about two weeks ago he stopped talking at all. He’ll sometimes shake his head yes or no or point at something he wants, or touch my hand, but I can’t get a word out of him. It makes me feel so incredibly sad.

LaneyG · July 18

Intellect, he could figure anything out, fearlessness, conversation, our travels, working together on home projects, hiking, watching favorite shows together, goofiness, affection, he used to keep me sane when things were difficult. The list goes on. I seek out and treasure the occasional tiny glimpses of who he used be. To RetiredTeacher, YES, I most certainly do understand. I bet most of us do.

M1 · July 18

@mathreader: not to preach, but even one glass of wine per day is a risk factor for dementia in women. We used to drink wine with dinner frequently. I quit when she went to memory care, because it was just too tempting to self medicate. Sounds like you recognize this already.....I'm sorry the stress is so bad.

Beachfan · July 18

I miss Sunday afternoons in the Fall when DH puttered in the yard while the Eagles football games blared in the background with Merrill Reese’s distinctive commentator’s voice. And the Phillies games in the summer; last weekend while cleaning out a drawer at the ‘shore, I came across his little transistor radio that he would take to the beach to listen to baseball games. He would attach the radio to his beach chair and listen at a low volume so as not to annoy others in the vicinity. People who knew him would always stop by and ask, “Who’s winning?”
He is gone, now, over a year and I miss so many “little things”. We had a good run of 55 years.

Kevcoy · July 18

I miss not having to do everything. I miss his help around the house or being able to ask him to do a favor like running to the store to pick up something I need or cleaning the cat litter box or watering the flowers. You know, everything.

thinking of her

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