AL to MC - need help!

kblau · July 30

I’ll try to make this brief. I need help deciding on a MC.

Mom is 72 with AZ
Lives in a corporate AL for the past 3 months
Now needs MC
MC unit at AL is full

Have to make a choice between having her at the more expensive MC unit in mine and my sister’s town OR having her 25 minutes away for 30k less a year. My sister and I have young families and jobs. And where she is now is 30 minutes away and it’s draining. Funds are not unlimited but we could afford for her to live at the more expensive one for 8 years. Then move her to nursing home state funded.

We see she is declining quickly. Confusion and now behavioral problems. But she knows who we are and loves her grandkids.

My rationale is: having her close will be easier to pop in and out as needed and will make the transition smoother. Literally 6 minutes from our houses. Also they have a younger population and it is the same brand she’s in now so familiar. But it’s a lot more than the other one. I like the other one too - it’s not as nice aesthetically but the staff is nice. Older patients. And further away means tougher to manage her. Idk pls help!

To add - they offer the same amenities, enhanced licensing etc.

fmb · July 30

Have you verified that both locations will let her age in place and will allow hospice care when needed as she declines? Are you comfortable with the staff at the closer facility? Do both facilities provide the same level of care? You do not say what stage she is in, but if she is now ready for MC and declining quickly, she will most likely not need 8 years in a MCF.

As someone who drives 45 minutes each way to DH's AL facility several times a week, I would chose the location closer to home despite the higher cost, all other things being equal. If 30 minutes away for the past 3 months has been draining, 25 minutes away for a much longer period of time will be even more so. With jobs and young children, you and your sister are already quite busy, and you don't need to be spending nearly an hour in the car each time you visit.

M1 · July 30

I would agree with going for the closer facility. From what you are describing she is unlikely to last eight years, so you'll probably be okay financially. Admit it's a bit of a gamble but it's one I would take.

kblau · July 30

Thank you for your replies…

I believe she is in stage 5/6. She started to have delusions, sometimes mixes me up with my sister in person or calling. She can dress herself and is continent . But she will wear the same thing everyday and she needs to be reminded to shower and brush teeth. She refuses to shower. She knows who the president is most days but is definitely confused and doesn’t know where she lives. She used to live with my sister and will call me to ask when she is coming home nearly everyday. She is getting angry/suspicious of other residents and staff.

Yes she can age in place and have hospice care. I liked the staff at both places.

psg712 · July 30

I can attest that close to home, if you are pleased with the care, is worth the money. I'm the only family in town, work full time and have a minor child too ... mom is 10 minutes from me and it's so easy to stop in before or after work, on the way home from a game, whatever.

Anonymousjpl123 · July 30

I would say close to home, with one other caveat. Be sure their MC is truly equipped to deal with your mom.

My mom lived in a beautiful, corporate AL for 10 months before needing to switch to MC. The truth is as her needs are progressing, they are not equipped to deal with it. Like you, I chose their MC because it was a) 10 minutes from my house, and b) familiar (staff, brand, furnishings, etc.). I am now in quite a quandary because 1 year after the move to MC, as her needs increase, I’m feeling pressure (from the facility!) that they may not be able to take care of her. I’m sure not all corporate AL/MC places are like this, but it has been a real learning experience.

That being said, up until this point it has been so much easier to have her close and someplace familiar to her. Wishing you luck. It’s a tough spot.

Victoriaredux · July 31

I'd check which hospital they would take her to and how close each of those is if she has an ER visit — if the 30 minute out place sends her another 30 the other way ….and if there is a geri-psych unit at those hospitals.

kblau · July 31

great questions thank you. I’ve crunched numbers a lot today. I am worried the corporate one in my town might be too big for her to navigate. I found out at the further away one the staff has been there 14 years so not a lot of turnover. Idk it’s not as nice but I think my mom might feel more comfortable there. She won’t fall thru the cracks. My estimate is she can get an extra year at the further one for her money it wi stretch further. I also timed it today and it was 40 minutes round trip compared to 18 minutes round trip to the one in my town.

kblau · July 31

one more thing - closer location she would share a bathroom and I don’t think my mom could do that without confusion or aggression.

Anonymousjpl123 · August 1

I think you are doing all the right things. Weighing the pros and cons and figuring out what you can live without, which seems like the better fit. I would say go with your gut: no matter what, you are making every single best effort to do right by your mom.

I know how hard this is because I’m making a decision about whether to move my mom and where. Sometimes when I feel like I don’t trust myself, I remember that nothing is ever going to be exactly right and no matter what happens, I know that I have done my absolute best to put my moms needs and life first. You sound like you are doing that. Let us know where you land.

kblau · August 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217748#Comment_217748

thank you for your comment it came at a perfect time. I’m sorry about your situation too. It’s not easy. I’ve been pondering all week. I toured both places again. It’s such a huge price difference. I wish I had a crystal ball bc then I would say it’s okay to spend 50k more (that’s with a private bathroom at the close location) if I knew it would make a difference to my mom to see me more often. I go back and forth from ‘quality of life now’ and being close and seeing her more to ‘what if she would feel safer in the other place bc it’s so small’ and ‘what happens if costs go up’ ‘what if my figures are wrong?’ What if she really lives 8 years at care level 2? What if she lives more than 8? Its so hard

kblau · August 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217794#Comment_217794

have a great day!

AL to MC - need help!

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