spouse aggression

Hello. Glad you've reached out for help. It's good that you are the POA. I will tell you that this sounds very familiar. My DH even managed to access his bank account and change passwords without a debit card from MC! In many respects, I found his cognition to be like a lightbulb about to go out that flashes often, but shines brightly during those times. He also had a pattern of screaming at me and then apologizing. I, too, had difficulty knowing how to relate and often kept my conversation to neutral topics (whatever that is for you) and otherwise just listened until he kinda "burnt out" of his anger and agitation. If you are a crafter or have small tasks to do while you let this happen, I recommend it. I used to knit or fold laundry while he vented everything on me. It sucks, but these were some of my coping mechanisms. YMMV

oh I just want to give you a big hug and tell you you’re wonderful! My husband is very high functioning too and sometimes it get confusing but when I told the psychiatrist about some odd things he put him on medication and boy has it been wonderful! I felt as if I was losing my mind. Please know his behavior is not normal and he needs some med adjustments to calm down.. please do whatever you need to do to take care of you!❤️

@Mrahope above hit the nail on the head with her analogy of a lightbulb that flashes often! My husband can be incredibly lucid at times…talking/yelling about moving away, finding a “real” caregiver who “knows what they’re doing”, etc. This happens at least weekly. I have found that trying (and it’s hard!) to be as non-committal as possible, just nodding and vaguely agreeing to help if needed is the best course of action. If I could get him on some meds I would, but he refuses to take them and I have been unsuccessful to date in sneaking them to him. Hang in there and know you’re not alone!

Any/all abrupt change in behavior warrants an official test for am UTI.

Jean is spot on in her comments. I will add that it can help to read between the lines (actions) to see what may be going on in your husbands mind. Often times it is fear.

Please keep us in the loop…

So sorry you are going through this. Please read the book "The 36 Hour Day" which helped me after my DH's diagnosis. Please assume that he is NEVER thinking clearly with a diagnosis of MCI. You cannot reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. He can't reason that what he says is upsetting. He's having delusions. They can occur in people with MCI. It's not him talking it's the disease. He knows he's losing control & is angry and afraid. He takes it out on you as his primary caregiver. Get his doctor to prescribe something. I told my DH that the new pill was for his brain. He gladly took it. Same when we had to add Risperidone for hallucinations. Told him his doctor wanted for him to take it for his brain. Don't talk about his disease or what the medications are for. I didn't use the term "Neurologist" I just said "your doctor" — Stop his ability to plan on the internet. Lock down credit & debit cards. Change passwords. Don't try to argue or reason with him. It only makes things worse. Learn to fib. This is a heartbreaking & terrifying disease. The more you know the better. Please keep us posted. This is the place for info & support.