New diagnosis- she won’t accept it

Welcome to the forum. Towhee is spot on, you are never going to convince her that there's a problem and should stop arguing with her, you just have to take steps to ensure her safety without expecting her consent. It's very hard, and complicated by the POA in your case. Talk to a certified elder law attorney right away about whether and how it can be changed (look at nelf.org for names). Her son may not want this responsibility and may gladly cede it. Given your dad's poor health it is not too soon to think about memory care or assisted living, but the poa will likely be needed for that.

Regarding the car, disable or remove it. You're going to get adept at telling fiblets- there was a recall, it's in the shop for repairs, waiting on a part, supply chain issues, etc. If she continues to drive when she's been told not to they could be sued for everything they have. Inform their insurance company and DMV and have her license revoked, but most importantly, take the keys and disable the vehicle.

So sorry you are facing this, but there's a wealth of good people and information here that can help.

my goodness Chrisjoy what a pickle your dad is in. Notice I did not say you are in. I think you and your dad need a consult with a lawyer on common law marriage and guardenship. If your step brother is an addict or enabling an addict he will certainly exploit your stepmom, I speak from experience. The addicts mindset is only focused on whatever makes them feel better. Not sure what your dad’s feeling are towards stepmom, I’m assuming both you and him care about her thus you wouldn’t be seeking advice. You may need to lodge a concern to get guardenship appointed by the court to protect her and get her somewhere safe. Hopefully you can find an ALF that has suites for spouses. Please though first disable or disappear the car. I totally understand the guilt of telling fiblets. I still sometimes struggle with doing that. My mind hears my grandmother always scolding someone for lying!

I agree that you need legal advice. But I think you’re going to need to plan to extricate your dad and have a guardian appointed for her.

Are you willing to step up and be her POA or guardian? Guardian involves court appointment and oversight. She will fight that tooth and mail since she doesn’t recognize her actual cognitive state.

Sibce they are divorced, get all your Dad’s legal and financial stuff lined out. A POA for him( it can’t be her), his beneficiaries named, a will, etc, her name off all his accounts, etc. Talk to an elder care attorney to make sure he doesn’t get pulled into financial responsibility.

If you are willing for them to be in the same AL apartment, start that process. You can approach her by saying Dad needs to go and there is a place for her there. That it will make her life easier because staff will take over his care and she can go back to bring his significant other. Note: some ALs charge less for the second person in an apartment than for the first person. Others split the cost in half.
Oops - just saw that the doctor recommended skilled care - so she will need MC rather than AL. Unless you can get POA or guardianship, her son will need to do that since he is POA. If the house is your dad’s, you may need to go through an eviction process which will leave her no place to live - and that can be the basis for her son putting her into MC whether she likes it or not.

It’s sad, but your responsibility is to your dad. Her son’s is to her. Again, unless you want to step up and be responsible for her. I wouldn’t recommend that with her attitude

FYI- it’s possible the gambling addiction coujd have been the first sign of mild cognitive impairment ( or she could just really have been a gambling addict).

As has been stated several times, you will need to contact an elder law attorney, and ask a court to appoint a professional guardian for her. You do not have to be blood-related, you do not have to request that you be named as guardian. Some attorneys will even apply for the guardianship if requested to do so, but be very careful to screen any attorneys you approach if you want to ask them to act as guardian: some are legitimate, and others much less so. A guardian has the right to be compensated for his or her time, and this is usually taken from the estate of the person who is under guardianship. (This means, to protect your dad's finances, you do not want a guardian filing for oversight of both of them.) The court can recommend and appoint a guardian on its own initiative, but a lawyer acting under your direction should make the filings requesting the court to open a case and hold a hearing.

I’m guessing, but I think yes, you can. Some offer free initial consultations, and I can imagine that some might even be willing to go to your dad’s home to meet with him. It’s probably worth the consultation to get a good sense of how to handle this very difficult situation. Keep us posted.