Update on the move and my LO

Since he is not aware of how much time has passed I would just keep up what you have been telling him. The passing of seasons may not be the clue to time passing that you think it would be. I think bringing him with you to check out MC is definitely not a good idea! Just do it without him. Make sure there is not a waiting list and keep that information to yourself. You may want to see if there is a AL facility with MC attached. I think most places will send someone to the your home to evaluate the level of care he needs before the move. Good luck!

New to the process here, but I agree with the support that you've been offered. For instance, in July Dad was just sure that it was time to prepare for harvest here. He wanted me to take him to the farm so he could get to work. He had long, detailed lists of things needing to be done for harvest. JM27, he hasn't done that type of work for over 20 years. It's hard to grasp just how time works for their minds. Juky for sure is not harvest season though. Of course I didn't say that to him. We just planned and planned for this season's harvest aloud together and then I cried all the way home.

For my situation, brain change was definitely happening and likely to a greater degree and for a longer span of time than I was able to accept.

Wishing you well on your tours.

It helped me to think of how vulnerable Dad was in the world. He trusted anyone and wanted to help people. So he was easily manipulated. Heck, I still have to remind myself of that. There are ways when we are with them that we become a piece of the coping mechanism puzzle for them. They can seem to be more okay in the wide world than they really are because of the ways we support them. Eventually I had to be able to go back to work and to save for my own retirement and potential future care needs for me. I wasn't able to protect him enough. Even when I was under the same roof with him I couldn't be enough of a buffer between him and the scammers or between him and poor driving choices.

Anyway, I have noticed that I am able to take in examples from others' stories better sometimes. So that's why I wrote out those experiences. You may find yourself in aspects of these stories.

It is so hard. You are doing a great job. You are not alone and you can do this.

jht 💜

I, too, felt that my LO should be worse off than she was for me to consider AL, let alone an MC facility. I was perhaps just as resistant as my mother was to the idea. Mom had issues with memory and communication. She wasn't eating properly or sleeping well. She was anxious all the time about bills and scammers. She started hiding her mail. I look back on that now and wish I hadn't been in denial. Mom's PCP finally sat me down for a heart-to-heart and asked how much support I was providing. When I saw it through a professional's eyes, I realized I was doing almost everything for Mom. The PCP said that Mom should no longer drive or live alone, and I knew I couldn't keep a full-time career as a single parent and take care of my mother at the same time. It wasn't working. I was anxious all the time and ineffectual which was the hardest thing for me to admit. Mom was only vaguely agreeable to the idea of AL "some day," so I didn't take her with me to check out facilities. Instead, I took a dear friend and former colleague of my mothers to see what she thought. She asked some excellent questions that I hadn't considered and made the choice much easier for me to make. Her input was invaluable! I got my sister to come visit, and we chose a place for Mom. I can't say the transition was smooth. It was very hard on all of us, but a year later, I can confirm it was the best decision I've ever made. This may be a tough time for you, but keep coming back to the discussion boards and push on. You're doing the right thing.