Is it too early to put my DH in memory care?

Welcome to the forum. No, it is not at all too early, i would guesstimate that most of the residents in our facility are admitted in stage 5. The issue to watch out for is that if he becomes combative and resistant to care, he may need hospitalization and medication before or immediately after placement. I think your only option to keep him home longer might also involve medication, which you could discuss with his doctors. You do not need to feel guilty, there are many advantages to the controlled environment of a good MC facility and he may do better than you anticipate.

I too was certain that my DW would be very well aware of being placed and would be devastated that I placed her. Some here have found that to be somewhat true, others like me found we underestimated the degree our spouses were cognitively compromised. My DW accepted the placement without even seeming to notice the change in environment. She never asked to come home or even suggested that she was aware that she was ever anywhere else but in the MCF.

She was however noticeably calmer and more relaxed at the MCF. I attribute this to our home being a trigger for anxiety and confusion, the surroundings of home somehow made her feel she should be doing her former routine of chores and hobbies, but she could no longer really comprehend what those were.

Even if it's "too early" it's probably only marginally so and your DH will soon require more care that requires more a lot more support for you at home, or placement. I don't think anyone here cared for the spouse until the end entirely on their own. The stories told here by those who did it mostly themselves had many posts that indicated how very hard it was for them.

For me the stress of caring 24/7 lead to a potentially fatal skin disease that required months to stabilize, which never would have been possible without her placement. So better a little too soon than a little too late, for both of you IMHO.

Guard against projecting your own feelings about reactions to things onto your LO with dementia. A person whose brain is working properly may feel ‘devastated + abandoned’ if they were placed in a facility. You are assuming what his reaction is going to be based on your own normally working mind.

Innumerable posters here have been surprised at their LOs acceptance of being placed, when they were ‘sure’ that there would be a catastrophic reaction from them.

I have actually heard of very few cases (if any)where the LO was brought home because they could not adapt to AL or MC. What would you tell a friend that was having your experience to do? Compromising your own health + peace of mind will not help your LO, and it may make life easier for BOTH of you.

I placed my DH in MC 5 days ago. Today was the first day I've visited and he seemed very content. I stayed 45 minutes and when it was time to leave he didn't even ask to come home with me. He was delusional as always. It's now that he's not living with me that I realize how advanced his dementia is. He is only 70 years old. He told me the people that work there are very nice to him.

For me after I moved my wife to MC I did a lot of second guessing if it was the right time, but those were my emotional feelings, when I stopped and thought about what it would be like to go back to the way it was I realize that the move was the right thing to do.