Preventing her from driving is worth it, right??

I don't know what fibs you already used, I would use another fiblet and state it's broken and waiting for parts. You can do something like pull the wires from the batteries or somehow immobilize it so it won't start (so it looks like it is broken). If enough time passes, perhaps the issue will be forgotten if she has sufficiently impaired memory.

It's worth it to prevent her driving. It avoids running over somebody, or killing herself in a crash.

You are definitely doing the right thing. Lives are at stake.

Can you move it away from their house- perhaps out of sight, out of mind? Take it to your house or somewhere else and tell her it's in for service, waiting on a part. At least that way seeing it is not a constant trigger.

Does your dad hold her poa? He will likely need it to sell it unless he's on the title. Carmax is an easy place to sell a used car these days. I'd do it and get it over with asap.

Definitely agree - she could hurt herself or someone else. With diagnosis, insurance would NOT have to pay, so there is a lot on the line, here.

Agreeing with disabling the car. If she gets really insistent, you could even have her try to start it, making certain it is disabled. If it would help, get it out-of-sight/out-of-mind. Then say the car has a recall, so it won't start and had to be towed. The car is in the shop and the part is on backorder. Repeat as necessary.

hi @chrisjoy yes, that is exactly the case. There are other posts about this as well.

If there has been an official diagnosis, and the PWD gets into an accident, the insurance company does not have to pay. Not sure about any clause, but legally, a diagnosed PWD cannot drive, so that would cover it, clause or not. In very early stages, they may not be diagnosed yet, but you figure, by the time they get officially diagnosed, they probably should not be driving.

For example, your state's DMV may have a rule:

And the National Institute of Aging states

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/safety/driving-safety-and-alzheimers-disease

Note that depending on the state, they may "automatically revoke a license" upon diagnosis. But as @M1 states, it may not deter her, so I'd disable the car, sell it, etc,

The core issue may be a desire to visit some place, or have independence (i.e. not rely on you for transportation, maybe thinking she is a burden). So perhaps some alternative transportation methods may address some of those concerns. However, simply putting her in a cab to visit a place of her choice probably isn't safe. But if it's to go to someplace where there's someone who will greet and supervise her, then it may be okay.

Yes. A friend’s husband with dementia was found by the state highway patrol disoriented, by the side of the highway, having run out of gas. Thankfully he hadn’t hit anyone.

Yes, stopping her from driving is worth all the turmoil that it causes. Eventually (might take a good while) she will forget driving and let go of the resentment toward those who took away the keys.

My mom was mad too. Even after we sold the car, she made frequent comments about the fact that she had to depend on others for rides "BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A CAR!" (spoken with seething looks directed at me). Now she never mentions the car or driving at all. She has forgotten the indignity of losing her driving abilities. But we would never have forgotten the tragedy if she had hurt or killed another person.

This brings back nightmare experiences with my mom about no longer being able to drive. I went to her PCP, Reported her to DMV who sent letter informing her she needed to take a driving test. Referred her to driving school to help her take/pass the test, which never happened so DMV suspended license indefinitely until she can take test in a timely fashion, pass. Gave the car to my son, so it was not in the driveway as a constant reminder. After a long while she gave up hope of driving.

Seems easy when written but it was anything but easy. 😳 This too shall pass. Don’t give up on doing the right thing.

I reported my mother to the state DMV as an unfit driver (there's a form, and you can even do it anonymously). The DMV then requires them to take a driver's test to proof competence or the license is automatically suspended. I conveniently forgot to remind my mother about this letter to her from DMV.

Another thing that you could try is to take actions to render the need for driving less necessary. Start ordering their groceries and meds for home delivery, and anything else that can be delivered to the house. Try to start a habit of this. With any luck, she'll see the benefit of not having to drive and then not press the issue so much. That, and offer to drive her places — make it seem a fun togetherness activity. Make an excuse ("I will be going that way, why don't I drive you…") if/as needed.

Hi kawfire1817 - welcome to 'here' but sorry for the reason. Sorry you are dealing with all that. It is tough. Some days more than others.

welcome to the forum. So, it sounds like your 83 yo father is living alone? If he can’t drive, things may also be getting to the point that he needs a different living situation, or you at least need to anticipate that eventuality. Do you hold his power of attorney for healthcare and finances? You almost certainly are going to need it. Educate yourself about anosognosia, he likely can’t recognize his deficits and thinks he’s fine. There will be no convincing him otherwise, and you will likely be in the position of having to make decisions for his safety without his consent. Most of us end up there and it is not easy.

Yes preventing her from driving is worth it. I'm going through this issue with my DH. Everyone's situation is different, but it is always difficult and is also difficult for someone who hasn't been through it to understand how excruciating it can be.

I want to share a story. I am in the process of setting up a driving test by an occupational therapist for DH— a detailed 2 hr assessment of physical and cognitive skills needed for safe driving. This is what the neurologist wants. Neurologist refuses to give an opinion on whether DH can drive. So we've had to wait 5 weeks for this test (the strain of that being another whole story as DH is fixated on driving the RV on a trip and talks about it almost daily).

Anyway ironically I learned that the father of the administrative assistant who schedules these tests at the clinic, recently was killed in an accident - he had early dementia, family was thinking about how to handle the driving issue, and he took the RV out alone and was killed in a single vehicle accident. His daughter's message in the clinic, about the PWD driving was "Don't let him. That's how my daddy died." Heartbreaking.