DH wants a divorce

So sorry you're going through this … I dread the day I get that call, too… 😥 💔 🤗

Doesn’t it seem like the staff should be redirecting and distracting him, instead of calling for him so he can say these things? Seems like they should recognize this as a manifestation of the disease and not follow through with his request.

Please both of you remember that you are in fact doing the loving thing, even in the face of reproach. I was accused of infidelity, etc. but this does pass with progression of the disease-she accused me of locking her up so that i could be with my "other lover."

Your spouses will not remember how they ended up in MC and will not have a sense of time passing. My partner has no memory of our 30 years together or of our previous life. She still talks about leaving MC and "going home," but seems to understand that she's there for a medical reason. It does get easier.

I'm sure that he already forgotten all about it by now. My hubby threatened to divorce me several times. One time, I got frustrated and I said, "So get a lawyer!" I knew that he couldn't possibly follow through and he forgot all about it within a short period of time. He blamed me for whatever was happening to him because he never understood what was happening. I was just the most convenient target. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! That wasn't your loving husband talking, it was his horrible disease talking.

As someone earlier mentioned, it is the disease speaking.

When I read your post, I thought the day my DW says something like that, I'll know she is far, far gone. And I'll probably stop feeling as guilty and second-guessing myself about all the big and little decisions. I think you can do the same.

Also, don't know if it would work for you, but sometimes sarcasm works for us. When I'm trying to get her to do something like eat or go for a walk, she might say "you're trying to kill me." I'll say, "yep, how'd you guess?" Then, in a fake newscaster voice, I'll add: "Man tries to kill woman by making her walk." This almost always triggers a laugh.

DH has done this to me as well, and the reasons vary based on his mood. Sometimes it’s “because you don’t take good care of me” or “because you’re trying to kill/overdose me on my medicine”; other times it’s “because you would be better off without me”. Regardless of his thought process at the time, the statements are heartbreaking. I try to remember it’s the disease talking, not him, but I struggle with that daily. I’m sorry that others are experiencing this but grateful these stories are shared so we can all feel less alone.

My DH usually tells me he wants a divorce when he gets angry at me for something silly … like me asking him if I can help him with his dentures (he definitely needs the help). I always say in a very calm voice … “ok, I will give you a list of attorneys and you can choose one and give them a call. I just want you to be happy.” It has worked so far. I’m not sure what he’s thinking when I say that, but it works as far as him dropping the subject. How many times a day we have to repeat to ourselves … This is the disease talking, not my husband.

I’m sorry for the hurt this has caused you. This is not an easy journey.

As my DH progresses, it hits me so often how incredibly difficult this disease is. We not only have to take care of EVERYTHING, but we also have to deal with the heartbreak that comes with the comments we hear from our LO’s like you’ve all posted here. My skin isn’t thick enough yet to always handle it without getting upset or taking it personally. All we can do is repeat the mantra “it’s not him, it’s the disease”. It just isn’t always enough to keep me from a meltdown.

The aide has to help the patient with their needs, including making phone calls. It is the patient's right to communicate with people, and if they need assistance to do that, that is what the aide is supposed to do. Unless there is an order from a court barring communication between the patient and another person, the patient has rights.