Specific delusion help

Sorry you are dealing with that. I would not show him the car nor remind him of it. Not a good idea to drive him, either. I would go with deferring and distracting until that fixation diminishes. Sorry I can't think of any fourth option, either.

If you haven't already, rule out a UTI or other medical issue.

If the delusion isn't upsetting him greatly, I would continue to try to distract him. Why not tell him it wasn't stolen and he lent it to a relative (or someone to use) for a week or so and to enjoy staying in the hotel in the meantime. Maybe if he knows the car is in good hands, he'll learn to relax a little about it. Having a car stolen can be distressing. Lending it to someone to use is a nice thing to do and not so distressing. Maybe then change the subject and distract with an activity, etc.

I would not show him the car or drive him anywhere. I would not bring up Wichita Falls. He may think that’s home. “home” to someone with dementia may not mean a place but a feeling. They are lost and want to go home but don’t know where home really is anymore. If he brings it up again, keep fibbing. My DH was worried about the new car we bought before he went to memory care. I told him our son-in-law had it and was taking good care of it. He eventually stopped asking. When he said he wanted to go home, I said when the doctor says you can. He accepted that.

@secondcor521

It sounds as if you're handling this development thoughtfully in terms of what's most comfortable and reassuring for dad to hear. Best practices.

You said: I wasn't actually going to drive him to Texas. I was more wondering about how delusions work - if he would snap out of it somehow when presented with new information.

IME, PWD don't snap out of delusions, it's more that the topic comes up less and less. Quite often, as one delusion fades and different one arises.

I am wondering a bit now if he has some sort of unresolved angst about giving the car away. It was a nice car, a bit of a status symbol and my Dad has always been a bit of a status person ("Oh, you drive a X!"). It was also his last car; the one he gave up when he gave up driving. And although he gave it to me, he misremembers that and often claimed that he sold it to me for $1. He might have been more regretful or sad than he has let on in the past.

You might be overthinking the unresolved angst. There are two common issues with dementia they may account for him being stuck in this delusion. The first is a kind of time travel. PWD in later stages, aren't oriented to time. Dad spent a lot of time, mentally, in the 1970s. He was younger, healthier, working a job he loved and mostly free of responsibilities of young children and older parents. He talked constantly of his old friends and even got angry with my mom for throwing out his favorite clothing from the era. As he progressed even further, he went back in time further.

The other thought is that many PWD can and do recall certain memories but maybe don't recall the details— who, what, where, when— correctly and backfill with misinformation. When dad did this, it always felt like he was re-writing family history in a big to make my sister (she was a difficult kid and an irresponsible adult like his sister) look better than she was and me worse. Pre-diagnosis, I resented this mightily. Now I understand that he can recall the feelings associated, but not who was at fault. The memory of the $1 car might be true. In some places it is more expedient to "sell" a car for a peppercorn price rather than gift it. Dad "gave" my DS a classic MGB. In my state, "gifting" is a lot more paperwork and can have tax consequences whereas "selling" at a specific price can avoid this. Because DS was a minor and could not register the vehicle, I hold the title. To avoid having to file tax documents I "bought" it for some small sum.

I guess I'm also wondering if I should ask about why he wants to go back to Wichita Falls. Maybe that's where he thinks "home" is within the delusion. It probably was home when he was actually working in Houston.

It's very typical of PWD to express a desire to "go home". Often, they mean the home in which they were raised by their presumably long passed parents. Many feel "home" is a feeling of security more than a physical place.

HB

The idea that you can figure out the ‘why’ of any PWD’s actions or delusions can be a never ending search. The LO has a brain that is being damaged day after day by their disease. Since we really dont have a clear idea of how a NORMAL brain functions, it is not reasonable to think that you will be able to determine accurate ‘ reasons’ for their behavior.

Keeping it simple will serve you well with dementia. Otherwise you can be down a rabbit hole of trying to figure out the the ‘source’ of their actions that can run your own brain in circles for hours.