Need support hubby needs assisted living

It's a lot. I tell my husband to shower then assist him undressing and getting in shower then helping him out and dressing. He is past stage to take initiative on anything himself. Same goes for eating etc. I also shave him with electric razor. You have to think of them as a young child . I think most here can relate. So maybe try seeing if he will cooperate doing those things with your help. Best of luck

My husband refuses to shower, absolutely hates being wet. I manage to use some no-rinse foam soap to wash different body parts when I can (it doesn’t feel quite as wet on his skin) and no rinse shampoo to wash his hair. But it’s a struggle! Even brushing teeth is always a challenge. And like sherryandwilliam said, I shave him with an electric razor when he complains about the hair on his face. It’s a constant source of tension and is hard on us. We know how you feel and I also wonder how long I can keep it up. Good luck and know we’re all here.

I agree with fmb, he likely needs memory care not assisted living. And there’s no point asking for his consent or agreement, you just do it with no discussion. I’m hoping you have power of attorney? You’ll need it…

This is my life, too. My DH has moved into a high-expectation phase where I help him with everything, and he gets frustrated with me if I'm not on his needs. I do everything for him, and I work full-time from home. The repetition is maddening. He has trouble with his language, too, so It's hard for him to explain his needs to me, and he gets frustrated. I am lucky with the showering; I tell him to get in, and so far, he will do it. I don't shower him daily; I use adult wipes and body spray. He doesn't do anything so he doesn't get too smelly, thank goodness.
What I've found odd about this disease is that he tends to do the opposite of what I need him to do. For example, I tap his left leg to put his pants on, and he lifts his right. I noticed this early on. When I would give him any direction, he would do the opposite when there was an opposite option. I have a lot of toileting issues with him, and it's exhausting. I spend much of my day cleaning up after him in the bathroom and doing laundry. I'm so tired. I'm exploring long-term care now, and it's so scary on so many levels. As caregivers, we need more stepped-out support for this path because it is terrifying. I have no idea what I'm getting us into and how I will be able to sustain a life outside of his expensive care.

If you move your spouse to MC remember why you did it, because for me after I moved her the house was quiet and peaceful which was nice, but after a while it became lonely, and I started thinking about the good times. I started thinking about bringing her home again (I thought I could still care for her), until I stopped and thought about why I moved her and the day-to-day issues that never ended and would only get worse. It took about 5 months before I quit second guessing myself. It was the right thing to do in our case. Give yourself time to adjust and start to figure out what your life will be.