Wow, I underestimated the loneliness

Dear Friends who have recently placed your loved ones,

My DH has been essentially out of the house for almost 2 months (hospitalized then on to memory care). It is truly surreal to come home to an empty home. I have learned that when I look back at the memories or the person he once was, it only brings me sadness. It doesn't change the current situation and just freezes me in guilt, grief and loneliness. I may be circumventing the grief cycle, but I just do everything I can to stop thinking about the past. I learned this "thought stopping" technique when I had a stillbirth many years ago. It was the only way I could pull myself up out of the grief and start to live again.

This has helped me take stock of my situation. I am beginning to see that I need to rebuild my life again. I see that I have choices: whether I will allow the disease to take me down (because it was trying) or I will fight like hell to feel physically and mentally better. I realize I cannot change what has happened to my DH, and I can only work with what I have left. My DH would want that for me, and he would do the same if he were in my shoes.

I hope that these thoughts give a different perspective and prompt even a little strength to move forward. Please remind yourself that you have been in the caregiver role for quite a while, you have been doing everything around the house, taking care of your loved one and physically and mentally killing yourself. You have fought the good fight. You are very strong because you have survived this horrible ordeal. Please do not let this disease take both of you. I am sending hugs to comfort all of you.

I am so glad it is helpful. I wish I could give you a real hug. I know that grief and if I don't fight it, I know it will take me down and drown me. Please keep fighting, down succumb to its treachery. Get mad at it for it is trying to destroy you. Look in the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.

This may sound strange, but maybe you might find it helpful. For the past 6 years, I have wanted to make some changes in our home but haven't been able to because of my DH's need for consistency. The confinement and isolation rendered me feeling like a prisoner (due to a sense of a lack of control and freedom). I have begun a makeover project for our home as a representation of restoration of my life. It feels empowering. I have invited 3 of my neighbors over for lunch this Friday to express my gratitude for their kind words of encouragement, noodle soup when I have been ill, etc. I have written them a "thank you" letter. I recently listened to a pastor state that when you have gratitude in your heart, there is no room for other negative feelings. I believe that is true.