Today is our anniversary
DH doesn't remember that it is. I have not mentioned it. He was always the one to remember the dates of everything. Just makes me sad.
Comments
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You’re not alone in this…my husband no longer remembers any of it either. Our 25th anniversary was a few months ago; my plan had been to order take away from a really good restaurant that we hadn’t been to in years. He decided he didn’t want to get out of bed that day and had no clue it was our anniversary. Since he can’t be left alone, I couldn’t get the food. So we ended up eating old leftovers from the fridge. I was sad, bitter and resentful (still am to an extent), but I’m trying to remember the many wonderful celebrations we did have. Hang in there and happy anniversary!
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It is indeed sad. When my DH was home before placement, he thought I was lying to him about these dates. Needless to say, celebrating anything is not to be had. He's in MC now and doing extremely well with this miracle drug that made him do a complete 180 degree turn around with long term and short term memories in tact. There are still signs of the disease, but Mr. Hyde is gone for now. He even told me he was writing me a birthday card (got a card from a fellow resident) as my birthday is in just a couple weeks. That warmed my heart. I haven't had any celebrations for 3 years. Last year this time, I thought all was lost. Then I was handed this miracle. So there's hope. Hope is what keeps us going. Hugs to you, and for what it's worth, Happy Anniversary.
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Happy Anniversary Ronda, wonderful wife and caregiver that you are. 💜
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Honor the love you still have. He may not know it today, but I truly think deep down that love is still there. You show that love every day in caring for him and he showed it when he still could. I know I miss my husband making a fuss over me for anniversaries and holidays, but I’m doing better about fondly remembering (even when it’s tinged with sadness). Happy anniversary to you both.
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my DH also doesn’t remember anniversaries birthdays or sometimes even my name or who I am. I was so very sad when this started happening and cried buckets of tears, but now I smile with a twinkle in my eye if I can manage it and produce a bottle of bubbly, bake a cake which gives me something to do, and food that my DH likes and can manage and laughingly, again if I can manage it, say happy birthday to me or happy anniversary or whatever. I know it’s the illness that has robbed him of his thought process and he would never have forgotten on purpose. I love him so and will cry quietly while getting on with our celebration. Sad isn’t it.
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sad indeed; “ happy” anniversary.
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It was recently our 47th anniversary. I planned dinner at a nice restaurant that she has always loved. Earlier in the day she became very upset when I kissed her and wished her a happy anniversary. She cried and said, "why didn't anyone tell me?" At the restaurant the server asked, "are you here for a special occasion?" I didn't want to upset or embarrass my DW, so I said no as my eyes teared up a bit.
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Prior to this year, I was able and willing to remind my DH that a birthday or anniversary was coming up and make sure he had a card to give me. But I couldn’t do it this year. DH turned 80 this year and had no idea. I was so sad about the progression, I couldn’t even wish him happy birthday. And when my birthday rolled around, I said nothing. I hid the cards I got. But I did get takeout from a good nearby restaurant which also has wonderful desserts. But nothing makes up for the lack of awareness on the part of DH. As you say - so sad.
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I could have written this. I feel for you.
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@Dio May I ask what is the miracle drug & how do you pay for memory care?
My DH has shown improvement on the rivastigmine patch. I’m his full time carer at home & I have no idea how memory care works other than self pay.
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Same here, first time was this year. It was sad…
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Happy Anniversary, Ronda! I'm sorry he doesn't remember. Neither does my husband. But you remember and I hope you can spend a little time remembering the good things.
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Just went through both of our birthdays. DH and I used to hide each other’s birthday cards in different places so we could find them in the morning - near the cereal, coffee mug, in the bathroom, etc. So different now, just another day, but we still went for a nice dinner on both days. He’s unaware of the occasion but at least we could enjoy that - never know what it will be like next year. I try not to focus on the sadness, just that we’re still together.
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This is a really hard adjustment with the disease progression and one that I still struggle with. I have mentioned it to our kids (4 adult step-children) and a couple of them have been great about acknowledging the special days so I don't feel so left out and ignored. I know my DH would have made the day a special one and it is the disease that says he doesn't care. He doesn't care about much that requires much effort these days - it is just too hard and overwhelming and would make him feel badly if his mind let him realize he let a special day pass.
All of that to say you are not alone, this is the stupid disease, and I want to send you love from the community for your special day (a day late) and hope you realize that your ongoing support and partnership with your spouse is your anniversary tribute that is unmatched by most. Go through some old photos of your special times together and find that warm smile, if even for a moment.
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Ditto JeriLynne, Happy Anniversary Ronda!!!! You are not alone having your dear one miss your special days: birthdays (yours, hers, his), anniversaries, Christmas, etc. It's a hard, sad ,crushing realization- when for the first time it dawns on you that you are solely holding the memories and meanings of your life together- all by your self. So hard and sad! Glad you brought this here where you can be acknowledged by those who understand and share your pain and celebrate your milestones with you! Sending Love and strength.
Karen
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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