I need help

There is no time that a pwd will think they're ready for memory care. You decide, make the plans, take them there for lunch or whatever the facility suggests to get them in the door, and then you leave. Often it works best to stay away for a period of time until they get settled and feel like they belong there. At that point you can visit but they don't feel like they "belong" with you, they feel that where they are is home and it's easier to come and go. My dh was angry at first but after a couple of weeks I could take him out for lunch and he would be happy to go back home to the facility. They really do have a better life there, with failure-free activities and a controlled environment.

My husband is fighting me on showers. He has to shower everyday because of his toilet hygiene. I usually have to help him. It’s very difficult.

DdM

Katcat I was wondering, do you have a primary care physician for your husband. The suggestions you got will work as long as you have a primary care physician who agrees he needs placed and will put that in writing. Still not easy but doable as my cousin and I did that with my aunt

I just placed my mom who did not have a primary care physician. I had all your challenges, worn out, etc..

I really was unable to do anything until finally one day something happened where she couldn’t walk and I called the squad and she didn’t refuse to go as she has in the past and I got her to the hospital. When I got her there I told them that she needed to be placed. It wasn't easybut it happened. If this is your case, let me know and I will tell you how we went about it, but if you have a primary care physician, you would work through them.

I have all these same issues. I cannot afford memory care, so it is not and never will be an option for us. He will stay here, with me, until the end. I agree, keep the bathroom warm, try bribery, be gentle, I use Srubzz Disposable No Rinse Bath Wipes (purchase on Amazon) they soap up nicely, I do use in the shower and I do rinse, but not worried if I do not get it all off of him. I have a Walk in shower, which we had installed at first diagnosis 3 years ago (he could help decide then). I clean and rinse him, and then tell him to take is time and come out when he is ready. He likes that, because it makes him feel like he is taking his own shower. He is now in stage 6 and needs help with all of his ADL's. I also use Equate Nitrile Exam Gloves (purchase at Walmart). Because, I cannot get the smell off of my bare hands, even with soap and water. He wears depends, as underwear, because he cannot wipe properly, not because he is incontinent, though he has had a few accidents. He is always more cooperative when I tell him we are going somewhere, or someone is coming over. I also only dress him once a day and he sleeps in those clothes until the next day (unless he spills or soils them). I hope that some of these ideas are helpful. It helps me to give someone else ideas, instead of dwelling on my own problems. It uplifts me.

Hi DWTired, thank you for your comment. I just joined this morning. I am so exhausted and burned out. Trying so hard to hang on, as things get more difficult everyday. He cannot entertain himself, so I have to think of ways to entertain him. Today, it is Christmas Movies! Yesterday, it was Gilligan's Island! Also, a ride out in the car. We live by the coast, so it is quite beautiful and he enjoys it. Going down to visit our Granddaughter this afternoon. Just finished breakfast, time for me to shave him, shower him, and get him dressed. Have a nice day.

assistance with the following would be so helpful, how do I broach the subject of having someone come into the home for perhaps four hours a day twice a week for company and to assist with small tasks? My eventual goal is to get him to a day center that specializes in Alzheimer’s and my husband being very social, I think would like that. But he’s not stupid and he’s going to know where he is and he’s going to think that we’re doing this to him so we don’t have to care for him. I still work , and I need at least one of those days to work and the other one for me. I don’t know how to approach the subject, any ideas?