How long does it take for a loved one to adjust to memory care

My DH has been in MC for 2 1/2 months and still talks about going home. I don't get too upset because he talked about going home even when he WAS home. I tell him that the house is being renovated so he has to stay where he is. The longer he's in MC the less he asks.

I think it's a good idea to ask the director at MC to see how he's doing when you're not there. He may be ok. Give it some time. Try to keep busy so you don't think about it too much.

my husband asked to come home every visit for awhile. Just keep repeating the fib. He won’t remember it next time you visit. He is probably doing OK when you’re not there. I also cried on the way home every time I visited. It’s the guilt you’re feeling. Hugs.

Most residents who have some lucidity will want to go home, although some may have a different definition of what/where "home" is. One resident in my DH's facility practically packs his bag daily and waits by the front door demanding to go home. Blessed are all the staff who wait alongside him until he settled down. It's been almost a year for this resident. My DH settled in rather quickly. It's probably due to all the prepping I managed to instill in him that I was setting up his long-term care in case something should happen to me, to comfort him in knowing that he would not become homeless. In my first visit, he cried and asked if I was there to take him home. I broke down and was tormented. Now, a year and a half later, he's quite settled in and seems to accept that this is his place of residence, although not necessarily his home.

I ended up bringing my wife home after 12 days in memory care. I think the placement was premature since I was desperate. I was hoping my wife would make friends but most of the residents were non-social. I spent 4 hours there each day and realized that her quality of life would be much better at home (with help from health care aids). When I spoke with the director and nurse about my decision, the nurse said she has seen it take 6 months for the adjustment to be complete. I made the right decision then and I am more aware of what to loom for if memory care becomes inevitable in the future.

There may be a few different things that may help. Maybe request a care conference with the management team/nurses at the MC. They may be able to suggest ways to redirect him since he is so high functioning or have him connect with other residents that are at the same level cognitively as him. I work in a MC and we have had residents that have adjusted well on day 1 and others that it has taken a couple months so it can vary. We have recommended to our families they not visit the first week because it helps their LO get used to our community, associates and routine. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't. Definitely start by talking to the team there!

I brought my aunt to live with me after 3 years of her being in two care homes. She never understood why she was there and was frustrated that they wouldn’t let her out. Though the care homes were nice, she missed having independence,

I lived far away and would visit her in her care home and stay overnight for several days. The extended stays gave me more insight into her experience. (I recommend that everyone stay 24 hrs or more in a MC if they can.) It was a challenging 6 years having her with me, but I’m glad I did it.

I am in the same boat: my DH and I vowed to let him stay at home until the end. I’ve worked in MC and AL and I know that regardless how beautiful the facility is, it’s still not the same as being at home.

We live in a condominium building and the 24/7 doorman security has given me comfort that we can stay here.

Hugs to you and your wife.