Do they need to take any responsibility???

I am so sorry, @mathreader , but yeah, it is too much to ask of them. I wish I had a different answer, but I don't.

Their brains are damaged, and as the dementia (of whatever type) progresses, their brains become even more damaged. And yes, they're aware, but not always in the way we are. After my sister passed away, I finally had time to read a book that had been in my queue for quite some time, On Pluto: Inside The Mind Of Alzheimer's, by Greg O'Brien. He was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's (like my sister), and he discusses what it's like to live with that disease. He discusses how exhausting Alzheimer's is, and how hard it is to try to hold it together. So what you might be seeing is your LO trying to hold it together, maybe failing, and then getting frustrated. Imagine that existence every day.

I had all of the same issues as you do, and I suspect most others do as well. There are ways to cope, and maybe get a little more time for yourself — I had a therapist I saw once a month. She was great. When my sister was still at home I brought in a couple of caregivers to keep her company, cook food, etc. Some people use adult day care instead of caregivers in the home - we didn't have that in our area, otherwise I would have tried that. Eventually I ended up needing to place her in memory care. None of these were things I wanted to do, but I did what was necessary at each stage.

Everything about this disease sucks, absolutely everything. I'm so sorry.

It's difficult to come to terms with all of this, and yes, it's a thankless job. And please, don't be too hard on yourself.

I understand how you feel there are thing that have happened that I just want to know why or for her to accept responsibility for. I have thought that if I say it right or on the right day maybe we can connect on what matters to me. We never did and now I wouldn't have any confidence in what she said anyway. I still want the same things but have given up on trying to get answers or for her to accept responsibility. At least most of the time, because sometimes I still think about how to approach her, then I realize it is pointless. So many things left unresolved.

it’s really hard to understand and believe that the person who was your partner is disabled, enfeebled, confused, and deteriorating. I’m just getting my head around it myself. Getting time off for yourself is crucial. The sad truth is that we must separate and loose the idea that our PWD is still our partner. At least that’s what I’ve realized.