Turning Corners and Crossing Bridges

I looked at several MC facilities and most looked like they were doing a good job. The bigger ones had more resources so they were able to offer more activities. I choose a smaller one because I think my wife would be lost most of the time in a larger place. There is staff to help them get to and from their rooms, but I felt like she would be more comfortable in a smaller setting. The smaller facilities have activities, but just not as much and my wife doesn't want to do many of them anyway.

First, a huge thank you to all that have commented on this post. I am in the midst of this process right now and have leveraged your insights! My DH is somewhere in about stage 6 FTD Bv (early onset) with anosognosia and I know from helping support my mom (who went through all of the aging support stages from driving herself to passing in 6 months) that you need to plan for the next step while things are still relatively calm in your current stage. I just introduced some in-home respite care. I have two people who each come in one day a week in the morning from 9-noon (his "busier" time of day). I introduced them as helpers for us so that I can get some things taken care of and so we have people familiar with the house if I get sick. I did have breast cancer last year (fortunately early stage so no chemo) so this is real. He loves their company.

I am very fortunate in that there are about 10 MC facilities within 8 miles of our house. I picked the top 6 to view (based on online feedback, what I hear from others in the community, experiences I may have had in the past). I am using the respite care to look at the facilities. I put together a list of questions and have refined them as I go. I am sharing them in the attached if you want a jump-start. Refine them to fit your needs.

On the parking reference, I had two practical needs - one is if you want a dedicated spot (especially underground in adverse weather) when you visit. In my case, my husband was an avid motorcyclist and is very uncomfortable if his bikes aren't near him (the car our son uses to get to high school sits out in the driveway during MN winter because DH won't let the bikes move to storage). I am assuming that it may ease his transition if he can go visit the bikes on site (and it is cheaper than a storage garage for them!). Or, he could be so far gone by the time I move him that he won't know and I won't have that need. We'll see!

My challenge is figuring out what the trigger point is to actually make the move. It often comes after a hospitalization or an incident. My DH is healthy as a horse so unlikely to have that trigger point. He has no idea that I am looking at facilities since, of course, there is "nothing wrong with me." Not sure how to define my threshold for when to say, this is it - when our name comes up next on the waiting list, we'll take it! My guess is the level of incontinence becomes more than I can manage with him. He has a strong control/oppositional streak with me so when I can't convince him to help manage it, it will be time. Just have to make sure he isn't a "behaviorial" problem at the MC location or they will move him on too. Interested in any input on this aspect of the move! Let me know if you have other suggestions when reviewing facilities.

There are no MC facilities near me with underground parking facilities. I doubt that MC facilities here have dedicated parking for residents. Residents in MCs here would not be driving, nor would the MC want them to have vehicles nearby if they managed to elope from the facility. It’s possible that a spouse might move in with them and be driving.

Unless you have a great deal of money, the best use for the motorcycles after he goes to an MC is to sell them and use the proceeds for his care.