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Am I being overly concerned?

DAT50
DAT50 Member Posts: 2
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

My husband is in the mid stage Alzheimer. He showers 3 times a week. On the days he doesn't, he will get dressed before he comes out of our room. I am usually up hours before him. He will put his clothes over his PJ's, won't change his underwear, socks or tee shirt. It drives me crazy. Should I just happy he does it 3 times a week? It doesn't seem worth the battle. I know I have many years to go but I am tired already. Thank you for letting me vent

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  • jfkoc
    jfkoc Member Posts: 3,936
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    I would say, based solely on your post, that yes, you are being overly concerned.

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 511
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    Welcome DAT50! Let it go! There are some battles not worth fighting. Does he appear uncomfortable ? My HWD/Alz still dresses in layers and sometimes later in the day I am successful suggesting he take his sleep clothes off from under his clothes . If he seems unbothered by the layers , I just let it go. I am elated if he cooperates with showers more than a few times a month. Glad you came to vent.

  • Iris L.
    Iris L. Member Posts: 4,478
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    He no longer knows how to dress himself. This is part of dementia.

    Iris

  • Kat63
    Kat63 Member Posts: 80
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    I’m sorry to say but yes you should be happy he showers 3 times a week. It may get to where he won’t want to shower at all. And it is also normal to put street clothes over pajamas. My DH did that during stage 6. My DH is now under Hospice care and they give him showers twice a week. He now sleeps in his clothes. His clothes do get changed often and he is washed daily but it is due to incontinence. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things we have to learn to be “happy with” when dealing with this disease.

  • Carl46
    Carl46 Member Posts: 259
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    My wife hasn't showered in years and it doesn't matter. I give her sponge baths and rub oil on the dry skin, and she does fine. She doesn't smell or otherwise appear dirty. Her hairdresser washes her hair monthly when she cuts her hair, and I wash it with a spray hose, with her bent over the tub, as needed between times.

    I don't shower every day myself. If I showered twice a day like I did when I was younger, my old skin would dry up and blow away. I don't need to shave twice a day anymore either. It's part of the aging process.

  • Biggles
    Biggles Member Posts: 164
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231224#Comment_231224

    Yep if we were there my DH would be sailing away with yours, maybe there’s something I that?? I’m the mean one who has sold the boat , won’t give him any money to buy another and wants his drivers licence back so he can drive to the boat. But he does still get under the shower thank goodness could be in the middle of the night though, then gets dressed in a couple of layers of clothing to go somewhere.

  • DAT50
    DAT50 Member Posts: 2
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    Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. It helps so much to hear others are dealing with the same stuff. Clothes over his PJ's is new in the last month.

  • gampiano
    gampiano Member Posts: 330
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    Hello everyone,

    As a veteran of ALZ caregiving, stage 8, I felt compelled to offer a tip or two.

    1. This situation worsens with time, and we need to adapt in order to save our sanity for the BIGGER STUFF.
    2. Buy some rinseless, disposable washcloths on Amazon. They work well, you can wash everything and forget about the shower. My husband was 6'2", 180 lbs, and it became dangerous for him and ME to shower.
    3. Shampoo caps! A God send! Easy to use, no mess, clean scalp and hair!
    4. For an extra treat in between, try Moroccan Oil Dry Shampoo. Smells great.

    I used these products for several years and my DH was clean and smelled great.

  • debriesea
    debriesea Member Posts: 21
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    To Bailey’s Mom & Biggles:

    My DH would love to join yours and sail away! Had to sell our cruising boat last Spring.

  • Biggles
    Biggles Member Posts: 164
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231257#Comment_231257

    Oh wow this is amazing I can't believe there is actually someone else out there with a life like ours. Apart from the sailing history, then this awful disease. I'm hearing you.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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