I Can Buy Myself Flowers

How good is that ‘another round of stiffening the spine’ I hope you don’t mind if I use that phrase. Mine is either stiff or goes to jelly and I desolve into buckets of tears. I think I like a stiff spine better. Funny about the Christmas shopping I had the same thing. We had a sort of conversation about Christmas I thought my DH wanted to buy me a gift, eventually I included an appropriate gift in the purchases but I shouldn’t have bothered it was a lot of frustration on my behalf for no good reason. Won’t do that again, I think it might have been a case of wishful thinking. Sad hey!

So many ways this disease tests us. We are steadfast and true but often it seems no one really notices, even our LO. Then we realize our LO may not be capable of noticing or appreciating what we do. The unfairness of it all is epic.

On August 23 my DH asked where his wife had gone. He eventually said she went away with all her men and was replaced by me, her caregiver. Fortunately, he really liked the caregiver. It was expected he had Capgras Syndrome, and that his wife would not return. Several weeks later, as I was doing the supper dishes, he came into the kitchen and asked "when had I come back?" What ensued was 6 weeks of accusations, and nastiness. Meds were increased so he wasn't so mad at his wife for leaving him. About 3 weeks ago the caregiver is back, he's happy and has no recollection that his wife had returned. The neurologist believes his wife will return again, and the hatefullness against her will resume. They have prescribed an anti-psychotic med to administer if this happens. I'm torn with wanting the familiarity of my husband and learning to enjoy the peace of being the caregiver, who he thinks he loves.. No one could make this stuff up. Hugs to all that are dealing with the stress of this illness.