Dealing with addiction

Cabbagefarmer · December 2024

Hello all, I'm new to this community so I'm not sure on the etiquette but I desperately need help. I recently had to take on the caregiver role for my grandfather. It's mostly okay I'm learning to handle all kinds of things I never knew I could do but I am struggling to deal with his addictions. He drinks and smokes constantly. I haven't been letting him drink nearly as much as he wants and he gets so mad at me for it. If I say there's nothing here to drink he trys to walk off to go get beer. And even if I give him a little bit he's forgetting that he even had anything and fights me to try and get more and more. He's gotten into alcohol that wasn't put up and gotten absolutely trashed once because he just will not stop and wants more and more. I could barely handle him, so I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. And the smoking is crazy, he would literally smoke a whole pack in one sitting if were to let him. And he gets mad at me for limiting that. The maddest I have ever seen him in his life was because I wouldn't let him smoke for 6 hours before a scan he was supposed to get at the doctors. He yelled at me for almost 6 hours straight. I just have no idea how to handle his wants in a way that doesn't trigger him so intensely. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Oh and happy holidays everyone, sorry for the heavy topic on what's supposed to be a merry day.

MaryEllenDaughter · December 2024

I agree withSusanB, a Geri psych admission may help. Do you have POA?

mabelgirl · December 2024

please be sure to take care of yourself as an angry person is hard enough to handle but I can imagine a PWD and alcohol addiction is beyond comprehension. You might want to search this site as I’ve read some posts on alcoholics who developed dementia as well. I have had to deal with both but in different people. It’s going to take a toll on you thus getting help while your relatively new to this is paramount. Sorry I’m not more helpful. Prayers for your peace and strength.

harshedbuzz · December 2024

@Cabbagefarmer

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here, but pleased you found this place.

How is it that you became charged with his care? Are there no surviving adult children who should overseeing this? Are you his POA or is someone else the decision maker in this situation.

Did his diagnosing doctor rule out an alcohol-related dementia? My dad had mixed dementia—Alzheimer's and Wernicke-Korsakoff's. The latter is an ARD that is, to a degree treatable with IV Thiamine and a sober lifestyle. My father wasn't able to make the decision to abstain by the time he was diagnosed, and his continued drinking likely hastened his progression. Because of some disastrous financial moves dad had made early in his disease progression, placing him sooner in a MCF where he could not access alcohol would not have been possible without impoverishing my mom so she elected to keep him home with her.

We did try the oft-recommended suggestion to replace his wine and/or beer with a NA version, but frankly his brain was broken, not his palate. We were able to water wine down a bit, but he still wanted to drink and couldn't keep track of what he'd already had because of the memory issues. We did look into a senior alcohol rehab program— these are pretty rare— but the director felt dad had progressed to a degree that he would not have been successful in overcoming his need for alcohol.

TBH, dad's memory care practice was of little help in dealing with the behavioral aspects of his dementia. We did take him to a geripsych who was much more helpful. Medication to dial back his agitation and tendency to aggression kept him home safely until a couple months before he died. One of the medications— Wellbutrin— seemed, in his case, to blunt his desire to drink considerable which was very useful.

Good luck. This is tough stuff.
HB

Dealing with addiction

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