Walking on eggshells

Talk with your doctor about the shift in personality. Not sure what meds he may already be on, but they should be evaluated and you may benefit from something additional. This is not you or the kids, it is him, but I'm sure he doesn't realize or acknowledge. My DH has FTD Bv early onset and we have a 17-year-old son so I have been in a similar position - although for us, it is more what he says talking to others that is hard for my son to see/hear/be around. Everyone says, "it's the disease talking" - that may be the case, but getting verbally beaten down by the disease is not fun or sustainable. I have, on occasion, had some success in talking with him about how we all need to help each other - and then I gently remind him of that when it starts to turn again. And, make sure your kids are in the loop (to the best of their understanding) as to what is happening to Dad. My son still wants to correct Dad all of the time so he'll "learn." I have to remind him that this isn't going to get better, just let it go, redirect and move on. On the upside, this disease has many, many phases and forms and I have found that my DH has progressed through some of the ones that were intolerable. Hopefully, some of this will also pass with time. My heart goes out to you and your three kids who have to grow up with this disease in their lives. Hugs to you!

Yes, it is! And good help is hard to find.

@Bailey's Mom if my DH / PWD treated me that way, I would look at placement. Look into it. See an elder lawyer.

Sounds like you’ve got things under control. I think you’re perfectly justified. It’s a complete sacrifice even for a partner who has always been living/generous. And done were but turned nasty or unmanageable due to the illness. Have you considered guardianship?

I think the court can grant guardianship for exactly that reason: he’s can’t make rational decisions.

Good luck to you whatever you choose, but don’t give up!!!

if you haven’t already please read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and have the kids read it and discuss. It takes practice. I had to start looking at my DH as my patient and me his nurse. It too my emotions out of the picture. People with Alzheimer’s have anxiety. They are losing control. Their world is falling apart and you are their anchor so they take it out on you. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. He should retire on disability or he may be fired. Many in early stages compensate and cover up their cognitive loss. We know how you feel. It is the disease. My daughter asked me during the time my husband was being tested was it dementia or him being his usual a-hole self. I answered maybe both? Hugs.