Dementia acceptance

if we could get one wish for dealing with dementia , mine would be to solve the anosognosia symptom. If only our LO could see and understand what we see, it may make things easier on the caregiver. However there isn’t and thus we must deal in reality. Your mom no longer has the capability to reason, and so the caregiver must do the reasoning for them. It’s not gonna help telling her she’s got dementia. As caregiver you will need to do what must be done to keep everyone safe and healthy, not just mom. I understand how upsetting it is to deal with as my mom is very similar. She doesn’t leave her bedroom but still says it’s because she doesn’t have a car to drive. Now if she left her room 10 feet she’d need help finding her way back! You’ll need thick skin because if like my mom they can get verbally abusive. Try things like if she wants to go to grocery store say well I need to pick up something give me a minute and will go. You should do everything in your power to be sure she can not drive. Disable car or lock keys where she can’t get them. Basically I had to out maneuver moms wants to keep her safe. Only you can determine what works as each PWD is different. Prayers for success.

boy I wish I could. I had to take frequent breaks when she said those mean things to me. Kept repeating the fact it’s the disease not her as I took a walk around the block or down by the beach (I’d have my sister keep an eye through camera when I left). Sometimes I would just tell her that’s an awful thing to say, knowing she wouldn’t get it but it at least let me release some angst. My mom told me I should have died instead of the stillborn she had. I sometimes would address her as Ms Dementia to help me remind myself I wasn’t talking to mom but someone who can not connect the dots. Finally I also just tuned her out and let her have her tantrum like I would a 2 yr old. I also vented (often) to my sisters. There were times when she just pushed my buttons too rapidly and I would get loud at her. I had to learn not to beat myself up afterwards and know that I am but a mere human. Prayers for strength and peace.

"My father is alive and lives with her, but he is also aging and unable to drive. The logical option is Assisted Living, but neither believe they need it."

And they may never see or accept they need support. She shouldn't be driving and he can't. Living alone doesn't sound safe anymore. If he falls - what would she do? If a fire starts? A scammer gets them on the phone etc.

Did they set up legal paperwork — DPOA , healthcare directives , explore medicaid coverage , update wills , trusts etc. when she was diagnosed three years ago?

If not, try to get your Dad to discuss issues with an elder law attorney and then how to get your Mother to go along . You are on borrowed time now before something hits a crisis level - he needs a hospital or skilled nursing stay [ or sadly worse] —she gets aggressive , wanders , - better to get the tools in hand to avoid having to file for guardianship(s) later.

And you're right bringing up the dementia with her is pointless- she can't change anything to stop the disease progression and the topic is hard for her emotionally as her brain doesn't allow her to process that level thought anymore.

You'll have to work with your Dad alone and in private to get things started and he may view it as being disloyal to her . If she isn't now ,she may become incontinent in the future and that would be very difficult for him to try to handle with his health. Using that topic may help him to see a need .

Look under the Groups tab at the top- for new caregivers - there is a wealth of info there and you can talk to the Alz Assoc help line at no charge also. And always feel free to ask question, share and vent here .