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New territory and things are changing

RetiredTeacher
RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 397
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

Facing facts here. Thought I was dealing with things the best I could as they continue to evolve. DH fell about a month ago when he got up at night to pee. Luckily he wasn't injured too much, just a cut on his hand that bled a lot. A few days ago he stubbed his right little toe, again when he got up in the night. He said it was fine, wouldn't let me see it to determine if he broke it. I finally got his sock off today and his toe nail was just hanging there. I cut it down and looked at his other toes… OMG, they look like Howard Hughes! I don't know how he ever got socks on over them. Clippers wouldn't cut the long, thick, crusty nails so I had to use diagonal cutters from his tool box! How do others deal with this??? A nail salon won't touch him. Perhaps a podiatrist but he refuses to go to the dr. He has a beard he can no longer trim and his neck now has hair so long it looks like fur! I'm going to attempt to learn to use clippers and attachments to shear him. This is so hard. It would be funny if it wasn't so hard. He's doesn't shower frequently. Doesn't care, doesn't want to even though I offer help. Amazingly he has absolutely no body odor even after prolonged time without a shower. I want to keep him home but things are changing and i know I need help and patience. Just wanted feedback and suggestions from those who have been here.

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  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 6,931
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    You maybe be able to find a podiatrist who does home visits depending on where you live. Often, these are the same docs who service area SNFs and memory care facilities. Google "in home podiatrists near me".

  • Palmetto Peg
    Palmetto Peg Member Posts: 328
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    I can cut my husband's toenails and fingernails right after he has a hot shower, but not unless they have softened up in the shower. He doesn't object to showers yet, so I plan around a shower and get all of the nail stuff ready. It might be easier to get him to shower if you could convince him that long toenails make it uncomfortable to walk, etc. Good luck!

  • ronda b
    ronda b Member Posts: 434
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    Will he let you soak his ft.? My Dh is the same way but he will go to podiatrist due to fact that his nail are so hard to cut.

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 895
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    I take my HWD/Alz to the podiatrist every 4 months and that seems to be a good time span for him. I didn’t tell him until after we checked in . Once he is in the presence of the medical facility he turns the charm on.

  • Marchbanks
    Marchbanks Member Posts: 54
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    I could have written this post. My DHs toenails looked like something from a fairy tale. Same with his beard. He absolutely refused to let me touch his feet, hands or beard. Lucky for me his niece came to visit and said she wanted to take him to a fancy barber as a gift to him. It worked! He went even though he kept saying the whole time that he was not going. Same with the toenails, she said she wanted to give him a spa day. He howled like she was killing him but he submitted and it got done. I was shocked that he did it. She has 2 small kids and I think she just treated him like a toddler and just ignored his protests and got it done as quickly as possible.

  • RetiredTeacher
    RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 397
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237329#Comment_237329

    Tysvm for the inspiration to find a creative suction to make it work. Tysvm

  • annie51
    annie51 Member Posts: 811
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    My DH will not shower so I have to use creative ways to keep him as clean as possible, using rinse free soap on a soft washcloth. For his feet, when he complains that his feet hurt, I suggest soaking them in warm water because “that always makes you feel better”. I have epsom salts poured and ready in the foot bath so it’s quick to fill it up. If he submits to that I try my best to cut his nails while they’re soft - he only lets me do that sometimes. But at least his feet get clean.
    Shaving is also a challenge - the trimmers and shavers I’ve tried work ok but not as clean a shave as he used to get himself. Lately he won’t let our hair stylist cut his hair (we were both going to the same woman for years). So that’s become my new challenge. He let me do it once - the trimmer worked easy for the back and sides but I butchered the top although it did look better than having it hang in his eyes though.

    It’s so tough seeing my handsome guy look more scruffy and unkempt than he ever would have before. 😞

  • JC5
    JC5 Member Posts: 260
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    I can relate! I just cannot deal with feet, toes and crusty dry skin! My stomach starts to churn! DH was complaining that his toes hurt - his nails were so hard, curled and long that they were digging into his other toes! Took him to the podiatrist who did a great job but told me I need to put lotion on his feet and make sure to bring him every 4 months. I cannot deal with feet so I will put the lotion in his hand and he has to rub it in. We do this when he is seated on the toilet - he has major back issues and cannot bend w/o pain and has zero flexibility. Showering maybe once every 2 weeks and he wears the same clothes to bed that he wore during the day for 2-3 days in a row! Try getting him to a podiatrist it’s the best thing to do. Good luck on this ever changing road!

  • [Deleted User]
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  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 2,322
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    My mom said she was perfectly fine doing her own nails, we just needed to let her use the dremal tool on them (not happening). It might be something you could use on your husband. Some podiatrists use a similar tool. I made an appointment for a podiatrist and told her she was going. She went, but didn’t speak to me for a week she was so mad.

  • RetiredTeacher
    RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 397
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/237415#Comment_237415

    Great idea about the dremmel. I will give it a try. Ty!

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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