Whom do I believe? My Mom or the caretaker?

Hi Everyone! I'm new to this community. This is my first post. My Dad passed away last fall and I had to take over as my Mom's caretaker. She has dementia and I am her POA and only living relative who is able and willing to take care of her.

I have been very overwhelmed taking care of my Mom since my Dad died, especially since I had to pick her up from her home at the end of 2024 because it was no longer safe for her to live alone. She also had a bad fall on Christmas Eve and she has been in five different places in the past two months. She is in her second AL place now, and hopefully, this will be her permanent home. It's been so crazy the past two months.

My Mom is normally a very sweet person. But it's like she has two personalities now. I'm starting to think she has Sundowner's Syndrome. She gets very agitated in the late afternoon and evening, and especially when she is tired or hungry. I am taking care of her full-time, yet when she's agitated, she accuses me of never doing anything for her. It's very upsetting when I try so hard to take good care of her, yet nothing I do is ever enough.

She has not been happy with any place I have put her in. First was the rehab hospital, then the first AL place (which was a nightmare), then skilled nursing (for more rehab) and now her second AL place. I worked really hard to get her into these places, but she has not liked any of them. I understand that the first AL place was horrible, but the other places have been pretty good.

Now that she’s in her new AL place, it seems like she’s having hallucinations in the evening. It seems like she’s hearing and seeing things that are not there. In the most recent incident, she called me in the evening, telling me that a caretaker had demonic eyes and was awful to her. It’s hard to know if this really happened or if she was being paranoid and seeing and hearing things.

I want to believe my Mom when she tells me these things, because she is a sweet and honest person and she would never make up stories of abuse when she’s in her right mind. But I’m starting to wonder if I can believe everything my Mom tells me. I brought the situation to the director of the facility, and now I’m wondering if I blew everything out of proportion and got the caretaker in trouble for nothing.

I appreciate any thoughts or advice you all have for me. I am new to understanding how dementia works and I’m still learning how to be a caretaker of someone with dementia. Thank you all sincerely!