Memory Unit or Home Care

zfromaz · May 23

Hello guys, I wanted to ask for advice. I'm taking care of my Mom (Russian speaker), she has Alzheimer's dementia. She gets 8 hours a day covered for home care. My brother and I are covering the rest of the time, including nights. It's taking a toll on our families (Mercy Care doesn't want to cover any more hours). We found a facility with a Memory Unit (Beatitudes Campus in Phoenix, AZ). But when I visit it, I'm not impressed with it. My biggest concern is that patients are not communicating at all; everyone is just sitting there staring into nothing. My mom has not gotten to that point yet. I'm afraid that my mom's mental health will deteriorate at a much faster pace. I'm considering finding someone privately to live and work at my mom's home to take care of her during the remaining hours. Wanted to know if anyone had the same dilemma, which option was chosen, and how it worked out.

SusanB-dil · May 23

Hi zfromaz - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Just a thought, and don't know if it would work for you, but would insurance cover night-time hours and use an adult daycare for daytime hours?

Sorry you are dealing with 'this'. She's blessed to have you watching out for her.

MoniqueV2024 · May 23

I’m sorry you are going through this. My mom just passed after I cared for her the past 2 years. I’ve found it very difficult to assess whether memory care units are trustworthy or not. I think oftentimes people will end up medicated with anti-anxiety medication after having a minor outburst, leading to the staring into space. Any change/move will make things worse, as routine and familiarity are so important.

I compared the cost difference between paying for memory care and what it would look like to have my mom living in our home with help from in-home caregivers. While it can be difficult to find help, it was more affordable to keep her home, and we could feed her good quality food and ensure she was safe and comfortable. She passed away peacefully at the end of March, surrounded by family. The process was extremely hard on me and my husband to manage all aspects of her care, and yet I feel so good now knowing that she passed with dignity and was safe.

Everyone in these situations will make the decisions they need to given the set of variables any one of us faces. All you can do is your best and take it a day at a time. I will be thinking of you and your mom.

ARIL · May 23

MC facilities vary quite a lot, as you likely know. Have you been able to see a facility that only does memory care? I visited a lot of MC places last year, some attached to AL or even skilled nursing units, and some that are standalone memory care. I saw a lot less staring into space (or sleeping in front of TVs) when the facility was only doing MC. Some of these places (admittedly, often the more expensive ones) have robust programs for resident engagement.

sandwichone123 · May 24

If you're in the Phoenix area there should be a lot of places you can visit. I think even if you know the one you want, you should still visit several to get a feel for what the options are.

Anonymousjpl123 · May 25

I will say that finding extra care is going to be expensive no matter which way you go, sadly.

That said, if you already have the coverage for 8 hours during the day that should help. Also, the fact that there are two of you helps A LOT!

Also: I would hesitate to hold judgement based on who you saw in the MC. My mom’s first Memory Care looked exquisite: beautiful furniture, high end, very quiet. I came to find out they evicted residents when their dementia became too advanced. It was heartbreaking.

When my mom was evicted, I looked at 10 memory care facilities in total. The one I settled on is far less fancy AND the residents who are in later stages - in the mobile bed, barely speaking - are often in the common areas, being cared for by and interacting with staff or family. They are not drugged, they are just in very late stages.

It freaked me out at first, but soon I saw there were residents at all levels. They go on trips to restaurants and shopping (!) and have a cat and a dog. The staff are so trained and have a philosophy of care. My mom is thriving. It makes a huge difference that everyone sees each other as part of the community, and that when illnesses advance everyone still sees each other as people. I can’t explain it. The residents who are still mobile (like my mom) are always checking on the ones further along to be sure they are ok.

There is no “perfect” in caregiving. Home care has huge pluses and a lot of downsides. Same with Memory Care. But get help, ask for help - that, to me, is the key. Wishing you and your family luck on this journey.

Memory Unit or Home Care

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