Need help with some little things

welcome. So sorry about your Grandma. You’re at the right place for help and support. First, get the book “The 36 Hour Day” and both of you read it. It helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. First rule- don’t remind or argue with someone with dementia. They won’t remember and it causes more anxiety. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. You and your Mom repeat that mantra over and over all day. That helped me. Initially the tape and note will work for the washer but not for the coffee. I would get up early and make the coffee or program it to auto start. Put a big sign in front saying Coffee is Made with a smiley face. Your Mom may need to restrict her access to use appliances if she can’t find a workaround. She definitely should not be using a stove or microwave. It’s a safety issue. She could cause a fire. Early in progression notes may work but as the disease progresses they won’t read or understand them. Your Mom will need to find workarounds and fibs to tell your Grandma to redirect her. Like the washer is broken and I’ve called a repair person. Do the laundry at night when Grandma is asleep. If your Grandma has anxiety and agitation, ask her doctor for a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who can prescribe medications to calm her. Tell your Mom we on this forum understand what she’s going through. 💜

Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Sometimes it is those little things adding up that can be soooo darn frustrating!

Agree on the book '36-Hour Day'. Grandmother is not going to remember about the detergent, and to bring it up is only going to get everyone frustrated all over again. Her reasoning is broken, and she probably has anosognosia. This is not denial, but rather, the belief that nothing is wrong and everybody else just wants to aggravate them. A PWD doesn't have the ability to see their shortcomings.

Also - is paperwork in order? DPOA and HIPAA accesses - very important.

Sorry your family is dealing with this.

Read about anosognosia. Your grandma isn't aware that she has dementia. She isn't aware of safety precautions. You need to dementia-proof the home, meaning make the home safe for a person with declining awareness. Remove bleach and all dangerous chemicals. PWD have been known to drink bleach, thinking it was a beverage. Also remove candles and access to the stove and microwave, anything that could cause a fire. She should not be alone.

Iris

Having been there regarding my wife, I understand your plight. @Iris is correct by recommending you immediately dementia proof the house. Remove all liquids, powders, breakables, sharp objects, etc. As for your grandmother not knowing she has dementia... yes & no. Yes, she may be unaware of her dementia, which I would recommend your not uttering round her as she does comprehend. No, she knows exactly what is happening to her. That's why she part of why she is easily frustrated & angered. That is also why they want to run away. Its an attempt to escape the inevitable. Never mention memory loss or lack of improvement near her. Its counter-productive. First & foremost, dementia patients NEVER lose their memory. The information is still there, but its blocked in transmission. If it were not so, they would not constantly be observing & learning how to overcome the obstacles you place before them for their own safety. That's short-term memory being demonstrated & committed to medium- & long-term memory. Always be cheerful. Purchase key entry-exit locks for ALL doors should that time come. Buy door alarms from a home improvement store. I bought small alarms which let out high-pitched, shrill sounds which, surprisingly caused my wife to quickly shut the door. She quickly learnt a closed door meant no annoying sound. This was all before I had the brains to consider buying key only locks for leaving & entering. During her decline, put cheerful music on her for. Sing, be happy. Make sure she gets her exercise. Who cares if she puts detergent in the bleach tray. Fill those bottles with water. The issue is irrelevant. Who cares how she fills the coffee pot. You will learn how meaningless it is.

As her condition progresses, her brain will shrink. Doctors say the shrinkage is irreversible. Balderdash. Every year hundreds of high school & college kids die from swollen brains due to excess alcohol consumption. If it were impossible to increase the brain's size, those kids would not be dying as a result of it. Therefore, the condition is reversible.

It takes one (1) to one & one-half (1 1/2) years for the brain to completely regenerate itself. The body naturally repairs itself. That too means there is hope.

Have your water supply checked for contamination of any kind. Check surroundings for mold, etc.

Now, you must take her for examination. Have her checked for anemia. If she is anemic, push to find out why. Most doctors make excuses, but little to no effort. If they can't find the cause, they aren't looking hard enough. Have her checked for parasites. They consume blood & leave fungi & bacteria behind. Those fungi & bacteria are believed to be a cause of memory loss/dementia; but, they would not be present if the parasites weren't. Most clinics performing blood tests have been instructed NEVER to list parasitic infestation in a patient's lab results. Be firm. Require that information. Be prepared to meet resistance from your physician. If that's the case, either seek a 2nd opinion or pretend to go along with him. In my wife's case, we were openly mocked & ridiculed. Severe anemia can cause memory loss. Low thyroid (Hashimoto's) Through our efforts, she eventually overcame. Unfortunately, my wife's dementia was compound. Pernicious anemia, intestinal injury, Hashimoto's (low thyroid, low iodine) which can be quickly resolved with nascent iodine or blackstrap molasses in milk (preferably goats)], chronic constipation, bad physician who misdiagnosed, improperly prescribed, & didn't care, etc.

Reduce or eliminate all processed or unnatural sugars, white bread, etc. Honey is fine. Its chemical structure actually mirrors that of blood & helps create more. If needed, liquid iron supplement as the liver won't need break down tablets.

My wife's severe dementia was overcome through the following morning & evening regimen (approximately 2 hours before attempting to have her sleep (if she's not a sundowner). Remember, all things in moderation:

Some type of fruit juice. I utilized pineapple juice as it helped heal my wife's intestinal injury, to keep her regular, & keep her blood vessels clear. Freshly made REAL lemonade works well, too. Lemons break down calcification. Honey is the sweetener. You can actually keep a person alive with lemons & honey.

1- 2 Tablespoons, Cold pressed, unprocessed, cocoa-nut oil. Do NOT overdo it. Cocoa-nut is a powerful hunger suppressant. Learnt that the hard way. If you overdo it, she will refuse to eat & you'll have to figure ways to induce her to eat. You don't want her starving to death due t lack of hunger. In Hawaii, memory loss among the natives is unknown due to their regular consumption of cocoa-nut everything.

This is where monosodium glutamate (msg) comes in. It makes a person very hungry. You'll have to figure out the ratio for your grandmother. Work your way up. If she still sleeps at night, you may not need the msg for her evening application. You'll learn what is best.

1 drop Nascent iodine. Like salt, iodine is vital to sustain life, but too much iodine is toxic. Hence, 1 drop in morning, 1 drop in evening. Should she begin to itch, she's taking too much. Nascent iodine is readily absorbed into the system, whereas other types aren't so most of it is wasted. I used Atomidine which is a naturally electrified form of nascent iodine best suited for the body. Iodine also kills virii (virus).

2 liquid capsules of Vitamin E to heal possible internal injuries in blood vessels.

Liquid Vitamin B Complex. Its safe but read instructions regarding serving amount. Vitamin B kills virii which hide on nerve endings, which is where virii hide. Vitamin B also gives energy. I purchased a flavorful brand from GNC.

1 Tablespoon of honey. Powerful anti-everything, but the cocoa-nut oil is your main weapon.

Cocoa-nut oil significantly raises HDL cholesterol levels. Do not be alarmed, the brain is comprised largely of good fatty cholesterol (HDL, not LDL). Cocoa-nut oil will actually begin to increase the size of her brain, replace loss of HDL cholesterol which the stress of any issue causes to show up in blood tests; but high blood cholesterol is easily countered with liquid garlic capsules (8 - 10). You'll learn the proper amount for her. Do not use odor free garlic as its effectiveness is greatly reduced. HDL is good cholesterol, LDL is bad cholesterol.

Again, these things, including liquid iron, molasses, etc. can be mixed into her drink. You mentioned coffee. Put some cocoa-nut oil in her coffee, but be aware, the heat from hot coffee neutralizes any benefit of honey while retaining its pleasant flavor.

I told my wife it was liquid candy. You MUST be creative in your thinking & presentation as she'll watch you like a hawk, distrusting everything you do. Since she still comprehends, you may be straightforward & tell your grandmother you've discovered the drink or cocoa-nut oil will improve her memory.

You can also introduce the cocoa-nut oil in things such as rice pudding.

Sleep is imperative for optimal brain health. Sundowners don't sleep at night, or usually at all. Buy Melatonin patches, 3 Mg. The greater the dosage, the less likely she'll sleep. With proper sleep, overcoming her condition will be so much easier.

Memory loss usually originates in the gut (intestines).

Too much or too little salt can cause it. Sex can even lead to momentary memory loss.

You will discover most of mankind's maladies are the result of poor diet. It generally means low vitamin levels, or as medical science refers to it, low chemical levels or chemical imbalance. My wife's vitamin levels were all extremely low. There are 92 or 93 essential vitamins which, if property kept, shall resolve ALL of man's unwanted conditions. Well, except for his stupidity. I figured you could use the humor. In any case, read a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie by Joel D. Wallach. You can download a free copy online at: https://archive.org/details/deaddoctorsdontl0000joel

Resolving my wife's condition took longer than necessary due to negative outside influences which kept setting her back months each time someone said or did something detrimental to her well-being. Eventually, it was irrefutable that my wife had overcome. She just needed slight improvement with her speech, but we knew it would only take a short amount of time before that, too, was overcome. Unfortunately, my bride & I were hit by a 14-year old fleeing a previous car collision. She died in front of me fearing only for my safety. She was my life, my dove.

You have received a lot of good advice here, although I’m sorry you had to join the club.

This disease can be a marathon and not a sprint, so your mother definitely will need to learn some coping skills as your grandmother’s condition worsens. As has already been mentioned, get your legal paperwork in order now, while she is competent to sign. A CELA lawyer is a good choice to help with legal and medical POAs and HIPPA access. You will need those in the future to be able to legally advocate for your grandmother. If you don’t have them, you will have to petition the court for guardianship, which can be expensive and time-consuming.

With regards to the “mistakes” that will happen…there are many more to come. A mistake I made with my grandmother was looking to find devices and appliances to “help” make things easier for her while she was still on her own and one backfired spectacularly.

She was a coffee addict for most of her life. As the disease progressed, she’d put the kettle on the stove, not flip the whistle cover down and boil up all the water and burn the metal kettle. I figured an electrical kettle was the perfect solution. If she forgot about it, it turned itself off. No more burned pots. Problem solved, right? Wrong.

It worked brilliantly until the day she decided to put it on the stove to heat the water. The professionally monitored smoke detector called the fire department and there was only some minor smoke damage to the wall behind the stove. That was the end of looking for fixes and providing 24/7 care.

Take care of yourself and post here often.