Not sure the MC facility has my mother's ADLs addressed

TrumpetSwan · June 7

About three months ago I noticed a few things lacking in my mother's room regarding her personal care. One was that she did not have any toothpaste, shower soap or washcloths. I wondered how they were properly bathing or brushing her teeth. I also noticed the toilet paper roll was down to the last few squares and there was not another roll in sight. Second was she did not have any bedsheets on her bed. I saw only one paper-thin flat white sheet draped over her mattress and bare pillows. There was no mattress pad, and nothing to absorb 'liquids' but someone had folded a towel under the area my mom sleeps likely for that purpose. My mom moved in with four sets of sheets and a mattress pad one year ago. I assume they all got lost in the laundry? Third was a stack of adult diapers in the bathroom instead of the Depends pull ups my mom likes. As I was taking inventory, my mom asked me if I could get her Depends and said how much she hated the "diapers".

I got the items that day, but knew mom needed an ongoing plan for supplies. I informed the Director of Nursing about lack of the ADLs and bedsheets (I purchased one set, but mom needs more). She said she had not known any of this. I was cordial. I told her it was easily addressed. I asked for longer term if she could please contact my sister who is POA and ask her to get the ADLs on an auto ship. She said she would.

Now three months later, the items I purchased are almost empty and there are no replacements. I also never saw any Depends in her bathroom. There are not any additional bedsheets either. I looked at mom's bed again and they are still using one thin white sheet, but when I looked at it closer, I saw holes in it. I pulled it back further and noticed mom's mattress was severely stained. On the side of the mattress was a stain of a spill that looked like coffee or perhaps something "else" of a similar color. I think mom needs a new mattress.

I sort of do not know how anyone can overlook this. I knew there was enough time to have acted on these items since my initial inquiry. I followed up with the Director of Nursing again about re-stocking these items. She seemed a bit defensive. It made me think she never asked my sister about any of these items. If she did, it is my sister who did not act. I remained pleasant and ended the conversation asking if she could please reach back out to my sister again, and she said she would. I thanked her, and that was it.

What is the appropriate way to handle such concerns? I think this is easily fixed but just needs someone to follow through.

Thank you.

Quilting brings calm · June 8

contact your sister directly. The director answers to her.

SDianeL · June 8

Yes, talk to your sister. She needs to set up auto ship. The facility where my husband was placed preferred the diapers because they can change them quickly and not have to undress the patient. You might find some better ones with tabs online. Depends don’t work well for caregivers when the patient is incontinent. The facility might not be leaving supplies in the room or bathroom and just bring them as needed. Could you speak with the nurse or aid that actually cares for your Mom?

harshedbuzz · June 8

@TrumpetSwan

I am sorry you continue to be disappointed by this facility.

In past posts you have inferred that your sister is the one charged with mom's care; does she hold the POA? If so, it makes her the family representative for mom's care and other family should be coordinating through her if you are reaching out to the DON or director. Is she up to the task? Do you see eye-to-eye with her?

How personal supplies and laundry are managed can vary a great deal between facilities. At Dad's MCF, we were given a list of which supplies were included and what family was responsible for maintaining. They also had specific guidelines for medication packaging and the number of sets of linen to have on hand. Laundry was included and done by aides in the unit or you could opt to bring things home.

Some MCFs include basics like soap and TP while others do not. Many require family to provide toiletries and incontinence products. Almost all will lock away all toiletries while not being actively used for the safety of residents who might use toothpaste as a face masque or mouthwash as a beverage. At dad's MCF, families provided incontinence supplies including wipes and gloves, or they could arrange to do it through the facility for an additional fee. I asked one of his aides about supply levels when I visited. Also, it's really important to label everything that comes in— sheets, towels, clothing, toiletries— to avoid mix-ups and foil shoppers.

Specific to incontinence products. It's possible the switch to tab-style was made after she broke her hip as changing her at that time would need to be done with extra care to avoid hurting her. Tab-style are adjustable for a better fit and typically more absorbent/better for stools. And generally, pull-up versions like Depend are intended for people who are ambulatory and attending to their own toileting while tab-style are for people who need assistance from a caregiver.

HB

TrumpetSwan · June 8

Thank you to all who replied. This MC does not stock ADLs (except for the diapers). I think you answered my question in that the DoN was the appropriate one for me to speak to. She can address it with the POA daughter. The POA daughter can do as she sees needed - even if she thinks the dirty mattress that is 40 years old is OK, and not having bedsheets on it is OK.

As for POA, I was POA jointly with my sister. Mom made us aware of it a few years ago and she communicated it repeatedly, so it was very clear. It was that way when mom moved to AL last year.

However, a couple weeks before my mom moved to memory care my sister hired an attorney to meet with her at the ALF and revised the POA to be only her. I was removed. My mom never requested it. My sister told me at the time "mom did it wrong".

The only thing my mom said to me about it was "I thought I already had all of that in place". I believe my mom likely was not clear on what she had signed.

Anyway - that left my sister as the one and only POA and contact point for everything. I do not have any relationship with her.

Thanks again.

harshedbuzz · June 8

@TrumpetSwan

I am sorry that you don't have a greater say in your mom's care although I suspect sharing the role given your estrangement would be difficult.

I suppose the best thing you can do is focus on your mom's QOL and continue to play nicely with the staff. If they see a lot of you and your sister is less available, they may be more forthcoming.

HB

H1235 · June 8

It might be helpful to put her name on the sheets.

HollyBerry · June 9

It sounds snarky, but they need to know you're paying attention. There may be perfectly good reasons not to leave things out on the counter in the bathroom, but you can ask! "Can I get another toilet roll, I just used the last bit of the roll that was in my mom's bathroom." "I'm heading to the store after this, should I pick up some toothpaste or is there a tube around that I can put in her bathroom?" I remember putting away a basket full of laundry one night when the aide came in and looked really embarrassed that I was doing that/needed to do that. It never happened again.

Not sure the MC facility has my mother's ADLs addressed

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