New Fear Unlocked
I have benefited so much from different posts I've read since finding this site.
Until recently, I allowed my DM to hold on her debit card and credit card since moving into an IL facility.
After reading horror stories of scammers, both here and in the news, mom consented to having me keep her debit card. I left her credit card with her because I can always dispute charges that may appear on her online statement.
What I am now afraid of is someone "legit" calling her and asking her for her ssn. She knows it by heart and would rattle it off if she believed it was genuinely her bank or doctors' office.
As I can not erase it from her memory, I have frozen her credit with all 3 credit bureaus BUT am wondering if that is enough. I feel there are other things I should do, but have no clue what.
Later today, I am going to see if I can get her Android to block all numbers not in her address book. One problem with that is some times her pcp returns calls after hours, from his cellphone, while at home/driving home.
What has others done? Please share! Thank you!
Comments
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@JulietteBee
What stage would you say your mom's dementia is? You mentioned MCI in another post; do you still agree with that assessment or is her judgment worse than the docs know or has time elapsed since then?
There was a stage early in dad's dementia, when he lost $360K because he could still use a computer but had very poor judgment and executive function, where protecting him from himself was nearly impossible. His cognitive reserve and ability to showtime fooled a lot of people including my mom. I wonder if you are in such a limbo.
Are you her DPOA and medical decision maker? If so, you may be exposed legally vis a vis the credit card for allowing her access to the card with a plan to dispute charges you could have prevented by taking it. This would be akin to a parent giving a teen the card and disputing what they spent at Lululemon.
As DPOA for medical care, the doctor could call you after hours. TBH, I would be cautious around the reliability of reporting of a PWD/MCI both with the doctor in terms of history/symptoms and reporting completely and accurately with you.
HB3 -
Agreeing with HB - and yes, the doctor could be calling you instead.
and same here - MIL was scammed 6-figures from a family member. that family member and her daughter are definitely no longer allowed to come around.
My brother got a 'child-phone' for our mother. She could call and rec'v calls only from the ones he had programmed into the phone.
Some folks use expired credit cards or already-used visa gift-cards for a LO's wallet. With that and maybe a few 5's and singles, they will still feel they have a few dollars.
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Thank you! I never thought of my being held responsible for an inappropriate use of her credit card. I will have to find a way for her to think it's her idea to give it up.
Yes! I am her DPOA, Healthcare Surroge, and only child. The buck literally stops with me.
For years, her pcp dragged his feet and gave her the diagnosis of MCI/Early stage Dementia in December. I have disputed the doctor's diagnosis with him directly. He ordered no additional tests despite her failing the mini-cog and showing amyloids in her blood work (Kappa/Llambda. He also refused to refer out to a neurologist.
I learned about cognitive reserves & showtime, here. She has a high cognitive reserves, most likely due to almost 4 decades of being an RN, and that probably explains her amazing job of showtiming. In public I am left wondering if I am delusional about her condition. Get her around family; she acts, thinks, and speaks like a young child.
Fortunately, that pcp recently left the practice and his replacement shows much more concern & willing to order scans. Today I got him to order an MRI.
I appreciate your point of not trusting her reliabily/reporting. I will definitely request the docs call to speak with me.
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Thank you for responding!
Getting her a different phone sounds like a good idea. As she loses more and more executive function she is now at the point where using her smart phone seems to confuse her. Thankfully, the computer confuses her totally so I have no fear there.
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My brother also put pictures by the contacts in her phone. I think you can do that with most smart-phones, not positive, as I don't do so. But maybe something to check out.
Hence, when mother called me, she thought she was calling her sister due to family resemblance. Unfortunately, she is now past even that point, though.
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could you just put a very low limit on the card and not try to take it yet?
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I shared this discussion with my son. I shared that while I got her to give up the debit card, having her give up the credit card will be much harder as she does like going on the bus when they are having a shopping day.
Having a decreased line of credit on the card will be an easier acceptance. Thank you for the suggestion. My son also suggested that I could have her give up the card & then give her a weekly cash allowance for her outings. I had previously bought her a small 3.5 ft x 1.5 ft, lockable file cabinet. She would be able to use it to lock away her allowance.
Decions! Decisions! Decisions!😭
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@JulietteBee
When my son was younger and traveled without us, we used to send him with a reloadable debit card. A reloadable Visa gift card would work, too. We could track the balance online and top-up as needed.Debit Card for Kids and Teens - Greenlight It was something like this.
One concern about the phone is that PWD lose their working memory early in the disease. Working memory is the short-term memory needed to learn new things. Simpler might not be easier for her. When dad started to struggle with his smartphone, they switched him to a flip phone similar to the ones he'd had previously. He had an even harder time with that. Ditto the attempt to replace the Xfinity remote with a senior remote.
HB0 -
Good morning! A reloadable visa card sounds like that would work. I really wasn't too thrilled at my son's suggesting I give her a cash allowance.
Thank you for the link & the suggestion. It helped. I'm going to buy one today.
The phone is going to be another issue. It amazes & scares me the amount of prior knowledge she loses with each passing day.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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