Alexa assistance

Welcome! I’m glad you found us. I can’t really speak to the Alexa. We did use cameras in the home for a while with mom. Since his diagnosis is fairly new I wanted to suggest making sure legal matters are handled. He is going to need to appoint a durable power of attorney. He may also want to do a living will and medical power of attorney. This is such a difficult time. It’s so hard to know how involved you need to be and what he is truly capable of still doing independently. People with dementia often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. With that in mind there will probably never come a time when he says I’m not safe to live in my house anymore I want to move closer to you. If his short term memory is bad will he remember to shut off the stove when he is done? Would he leave the house and call 911 if there was a fire or try to put it out himself. I’ve heard many people say they had no idea how bad things were until they spent the night with their pwd. Assisted living facilities can have a waiting list. In my opinion it’s always good to have a plan B. Sorry I know this is not what you asked about.

Here is my response to your specific question, based on personal experience. I use an Alexa Echo Show with my DM who I moved, last summer, into an IL facility 1 mile from my house.

She previously lived in her own house. My hubby got her an Alexa dot. She loved it when she was taught that she could ask it the date, but more so, she could ask it to tell her a joke…lol🤣

Within months, we saw it was moved to her living room, from her bedroom. Why? Someone fed into her paranoia and told her it could spy on her.💔

When I moved her to IL, she was constantly found to have unplugged the dot and was storing it in her night table drawer.

We then got her the Alexa Echo Show which is the one with the camera and screen, most likely to do the spying.

I have that in her living room. I program it with reminders of her medical appointments, the facility's monthly calendar of events, and her housekeeper's arrival time. I also set alarm clocks for days she has appointments. I also set it up with daily routines to tell her the date, the time, and the weather. I schedule it to play religious music for the first 1.5 hours after awakening. At night, I have a countdown routine of checking door, make final call (typically to me), brush teeth, take bedtime meds, check front door lock, carry in water, and go to bed.

She listens intently to her reminders, and for the most part follows instructions. She can even tell Alexa to "Call for help" and Alexa calls me. Using Alexa for your dad can be beneficial. However, it is NOT a longterm solution. Invariably, you are going to need to provide more hands-on personalized care.

I also have a Ring camera that I check in on her with. I have seen my mom take out her meds, put them on the table to go get water (I presume) but she never returns to take them. Like someone said above, I've also found random white pills on the floor. She was not aware she dropped it and as most of her pills are white, we are then left not knowing which one she needs to take., leaving her to miss that day's dose.

@wisconsindaughter

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

Yours is a difficult situation. Some thoughts:

There is no tech device that replaces the supervision of an actual human being. If dad can't reliably manage his meds, then another human needs to oversee them. That means ordered, locked up and distributed by an aide daily to make sure they are taken as directed. This can get expensive, especially if he takes multiple does per day. Agency aides run about $40/hour with a 2-hour minimum where I live. If he's like most PWD, he really isn't going to like this especially when he finds out what this invasion of his privacy is costing him.

That the partner reached out is a good thing. It could be that her interest in being with him is waning as the disease progresses; PWD aren't often a whole lot of fun. They can be boring, repetitive, apathetic, irritable and lack empathy for others. At 85, it is very likely this woman has been a caregiver in the past and isn't looking to take on what is your (you and your brother) responsibility. Her call to you may have been a request to take over.

Even if she is willing and wanting to transition into more of a caregiver, she's 85. Would you hire someone her age to be a caregiver? By virtue of her age, you need a very robust Plan B.

And if she is not an ethical person, she could be taking advantage of your dad, perhaps justifying it as some sort of compensation for caregiving. This is sadly very common.

PWD are not accurate reporters. He may be telling you they spend the day together when in fact they don't. When I moved dad north, he complained bitterly about missing his golfing, days at the pool and social life in Florida. This made me feel terrible for having moved him however much it was necessary. Then I went down to clear out his house ahead of selling it as POA. A bunch of neighbors streamed through; they all reported having not seen dad in about 4 years except when it was their turn to host neighborhood happy hour— he wasn't swimming, golfing or meeting friends for dinner except in his mind.

My other concern and a big part of my reason for moving my parents out of Florida was their robust private guardianship industry.

In your shoes, I would make a plan to move him nearer you or your brother once a DPOA is in place. You might have some time before this is absolutely necessary, but that day will come sooner than you hope.

HB

I had to laugh. In the past 2-3 weeks, my mom has been "closing Alexa's eye," thereby preventing me from seeing her. 🙃