Angry
Comments
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NMF
I am private but on this site I have opened up more than I have anywhere else (I still don't post often). I think because everyone here is dealing with related issues and also because I don't see the people here on a day to day basis, so if I say something wrong or odd I won't have to see and deal with them tomorrow (although I would like to meet some of these people and have coffee or whatever and just sit and talk, they are in a strange way some of the best friends I have). All of our journeys are different but yet the same, so exact staging is difficult. My wife is I think late stage 6 touching into 7, but yesterday she was early 6 (some days they surprise you with a good day). I guess what I what to say is keep coming back and say or ask anything you want. I don't think any of us are professionals, but the people have what an education can't give you, experience.
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my DH does't feel so dear to me. He was in a Donanemab trial for 18 mos. just seemed to delay the inevitable. He is mid-stage, not driving and lately has been watching TV non-stop and napping. I think he is depressed and could benefit from behavioral health evaluation but he denies. This weekend we went out for breakfast. Even though calm and delicious he just wanted to go home. Then I thought a movie, too loud and he came home 6p and went to the basement for a nap. I am trying to hang on to my life. He expects me to do everything. He felt I interrupted his tv show when I gave him a heads up we were leaving for the movie. His Dx was going on 3 yrs. He doesn't wander, does ride his e-bike, 1x every 2 weeks. He is simmering and I am so sad. He seems to smile for strangers not me. I miss what we had, we've been together 48 yr.s married 44, he's 74 I'm 71.
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I don't participate in the usual social media because I'm relatively private, too. However, I feel completely comfortable posting here. The members have established an environment that is safe, where you can say what you might not say to anyone else, and there's no judgment, no criticism, only empathy and support.
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We need to remember that the saying is truly - God will not give us more than we can handle with His help. Be sure to talk with him daily for strength, patience and peace.1 -
This is my first post. I find myself angry often. My husband has both alz and copd. He doesn't accept that any thing is wrong, that he is ill. I identify with those who say it's like having a four year old in an adult body. From someone who rarely had anything to say to talking all the time. He curses about everything thing and goes around muttering damn damn…l am finding your comments helpful.
Does anyone have any experience with respite care?
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In my case with my DW if I say anything I wished I hadn't she usually forgets right away and sometimes within seconds - I guess if there is a "good" part of this disease this might be an example.
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I end most days beating myself up over my failures all day long. My DW is rapidly deteriorating after several years of slow decline. I’m now scrambling to arrange day care a couple days per week and a support group for me. I lose it now almost every evening and celebrate if I can get her to bed early so I can breathe a bit. I recognize that our relationship of almost 60 years is dead, but I don’t have time or strength to mourn its death. Hats off to all of you traveling this rocky road.
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you are not alone in feeling angry. My DH is not who he used to be. My days are spent in sadness, mourning the loss, but he’s still there and looks the same. I think there is sooo much that happens as Alz progresses, so unpredictable. It’s easy for me to become angry because I used to become angry/annoyed/irritated at my husband on occasion in the past. So I can “forget” that he is a person with Alz, not himself, but he looks the same… Hope that makes sense.
Besides, it is impossible to keep it together at all times. We’re human. We try our best. That’s all we can do with this awful experience. Take care of yourself, find help so you can be free for a bit. Keep in touch with those that understand, here.
look for the book “My Life Rearranged Musings of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver” by Susan G Miller. Author writes from own experiences, from caregivers viewpoint. Very helpful.
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my first comment but I feel so much the same
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I am brand new at this. My DW may or may not have ES. She won't go to a doctor for almost any reason. She won't let me talk to her about possible cognitive decline because she is terrified of having Alz. Her mother died of Alz at the age of 86. My DW is 75. She doesn't say that, I just know. She also had two siblings die with dementia. My DW is the youngest of 7 children and the only one left. The rest died at earlier ages of unrelated reasons. I also have anger issues. I liked what you posted. I am new to social media or whatever you call this. My DW knows nothing about what I'm doing with this secret phone. Thank you. I have to go now
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I can relate to this. My DH is no experiencing delusions and doesn’t know what and where he is. Tonight he asked me 10 times what bldg he was in. He was right beside me on the bed in our house. I am losing patience. I am 78 with my own health problems. Who makes the decision if he should be in a nursing home. We cannot afford retirement home.
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so sorry you are going through this. Talk to his doctor. There are medications they can give him for hallucinations and delusions and anxiety. Ask if there is a Social Worker or Case Manager you can speak to. Unfortunately unless you qualify for Medicaid or a Medicaid waiver, memory care is self pay. Each state administers Medicaid. You could talk to an elder care attorney to see what options there are. Also call the Alzheimer’s toll free number at the top of the main page. Also contact your county Agency on Aging. They may be able to provide resources.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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