LGBTQ Eldery Father community

Welcome! Most people with dementia also have anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. Even it he agrees he has dementia, he may not see the symptoms he is having. This makes everything so difficult! Has he seen an elder law attorney yet. He should have a will, definitely need a durable power of attorney, medical poa, and a living will is also a good idea. I would not wait on these, it’s urgent. If my mom would accept her diagnosis and understand her limitations she could probably still live alone. But she wants to mow her own lawn, power washer the swing, the list goes on. If left alone she would put herself in danger. She is in Al. So if you try to talk about safety with your dad and he starts to get defensive I would drop it. If the person with dementia is resistant it’s best to just do what needs to be done without discussion. Many here have tried cameras with some luck for awhile anyway. Leaving the stove on and starting a fire is often a big concern. Some have had success with disabling it. I can’t help with a good Al in your area, but I can say it’s good you are looking into it now. Some places can have a waiting list. If that is the direction you think you will go, it’s best to get on the list and just turn down the openings until you are ready for him to go. Very few people with dementia will say they need assisted living, so you can’t wait for him. This will need to be your decision to keep him safe. I have attempted a couple of resources you may find helpful. The more you learn about dementia the better. You tube Teepa Snow is a great resource. This site is also a great resource.

This is a staging tool

This is a great article.

I share some of your concerns. My dad is showing signs of memory loss and wants (as so many do) to stay in his home. He's gay and has been like a young person who just got away from his parents ever since my mother died. I am very concerned about finding him a place if needed, as I'm in a part of the country with fewer options overall, and I am aware that much long-term care is provided by individuals from more socially conservative cultures.

Welcome. So sorry about your Dad. Most facilities have Social Workers that you can speak with about your Dad before placement. The caregivers I met touring 3 facilities in my area were all caring and professional. Don’t delay getting with an attorney.Tell your Dad that you are getting your legal affairs in order and he should too. I’m glad I went to an attorney immediately because within 6 months my DH could no longer read and understand documents or sign his name. You can also call the Alzheimer’s Org. toll free number for resources.