Moved husband to memory care and he just wants me

Shorething · July 18

I brought my husband, who is in stage 6, to a memory care facility yesterday and today the director called me. I wasn't really surprised because my main concern was how dependent he is on me and how much he loves being home. Today, there was a woman who looked like me visiting another resident and he thought she was me and that I ignored him. He couldn't settle so the director called so he could speak with me. I confirmed that I was not there, but he wanted me to pick him up and to come home . When I left him yesterday afternoon I told him I was going to a retreat and would see him soon. He asked, how soon, two days? So I said yes. So today, early afternoon, he said I had been gone for so long and he wanted to come home. I said I would see him soon but not today, that I was still at the retreat. It took a long time to calm him down.

Any advice? I don't plan to go for another two days and I will check in with the director before I go. In the meantime I have a fitness trainer visiting him for a session and one of his friends will drop by. Thanks for any help!

terei · July 18

You may want to tell the staff to tell him you are at a retreat and there are no phones, repeat, repeat, repeat. He needs to get involved at the facility + that may take some weeks of no or minimal contact. If you do visit, have excuses ready. That may mean telling him you have to have a ‘procedure’ yourself or some other excuse…just use one that prevents you from picking him up.

harshedbuzz · July 18

@Shorething

It would be better if the narrative took the decision for him to come home out of your hands. We told dad he was in rehab on his doctor's orders which meant we couldn't take him home as it was up to someone else. This also allowed us to validate his feelings by saying we wished he could come home, too.

HB

Shorething · July 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248431#Comment_248431

Thank you so much. This is really helpful. I appreciate you responding.

l7pla1w2 · July 18

It's possible the desire to go home may never completely disappear. DW has been in MC for 3 months now, and she says she wants to go home every time I visit. She also frequently collects her things on her bed, preparing to leave. That behavior is gradually fading.

Painful as it is, prepare to stick with it, have a story, enlist the staff to reinforce the story.

Shorething · July 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248432#Comment_248432

Thanks so much for taking the taking the time to respond. I can try something like this. Very helpful.

Moved husband to memory care and he just wants me

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