I am so scared

sdgz · August 25

I'm so scared of what this diagnosis means for me and my mom. I've worked with a number of Alz patients while working in emergency psychiatric departments or adult psychiatric departments. It was brutal. Devastating to their kids and devastating to see their moments of clarity, briefly realizing they are losing their footing in reality.

My mother is pleasant, but can be vicious. She learned how to be patient and understanding, but her childhood survival instincts have come out before and it's intimidating.

I'm worried about taking away her independence / freedom before it's necessary or after it's too late. She's always been private with her thoughts and struggles, doesn't ask for outside opinion when determining her path forward but is a social butterfly who charms everyone.

I don't want to diminish her. I don't want to ask her to be less. I don't know what the right answers are and don't want to cause damage.

We love each other and have worked very hard to get along and find common ground. That said, I know this storm will be unrelenting when it hits. My dad told me to take care of my mother before he died. So... here I am, shaking in my sneakers and paralyzed in fear.

We're taking the steps (powers of attorney, driving assessment, planning for supportive living when needed) but the thought of having to tell my mother she isn't allowed to do something makes me nauseous.

JulietteBee · 3:14AM

I am so sorry to know that you are beginning to feel the head winds. I wish I could lie and tell you it won't be brutal, but it will be.💔

On my dad's death bed, my sibling and I were also told to take care of our mom. Unfortunately, my sibling has died and the weight of this enormous responsibility is now squarely upon my shoulders.

My mom started showing mentation issues about 3-5 years ago, but got the official diagnosis in December.

What you need to remind yourself of, is this, YOU are not taking away her freedom or independence. Dementia is doing so!

Dementia has made it unsafe for my mom to drive. Her car was therefore given away. Dementia took away her ability to manage her finances. Now I manage them for her. Dementia has made her a prime target for theft and scams. That forced me to safeguard her debit card and other valuable papers outside of her reach.

Dementia, and Dementia alone, has caused my mom to have to move out of her own house and into an independent living facility, which offers greater oversight than if she were independently living at home.

As someone on here said, we are tasked with keeping our loved ones safe, not happy.

You have found an amazing online family of supporters. Lean in to their advice, expertise, and emotional support. You are not alone!🙏🏽

SDianeL · 3:45AM

welcome. So sorry about your Mom. We understand what you are facing. Your Mom’s care and safety are the most important things. She can no longer reason. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which will help. Learn to redirect, distract and fib to her if necessary. Your relationship will change from mother and daughter to patient and caregiver. It won’t be easy but you must take charge. Don’t second guess your decisions. Come here often for support or to vent. 💜

Quilting brings calm · 9:27AM

There’s the saying: if you seen one dementia patient, you’ve seen one dementia patient. Meaning Everyone is different. Your mom may never exhibit some of the symptoms. It’s best to plan for the future, but also take one day at a time. You are doing everything right

I am so scared

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