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destructive treatment from my wife's daughter

gonesail
gonesail Member Posts: 9
5 Care Reactions First Comment
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

My wife is afflicted with ALZ. she still loves me but we have had difficulties over the last month or so. We always had arguments over our 46 year marriage. So she asked for help from her daughters and they have offered it. Fine. Now she is 400 miles away. But now the oldest one has taken another step. She has blocked all communications between me and my spouse. my therapist has warned me that this is absolutely wrong and possibly illegal. What if my wife wants to communicate? what gives the daughter a right to do this? God knows I don't want to harm my wife or drag something into court. I wanted to ask the experienced folks here what they think.

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  • Chammer
    Chammer Member Posts: 251
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    If you have an attorney, I would ask about what is going on to determine any legal issues that will be involved in what is happening.

  • Michele P
    Michele P Member Posts: 434
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    We had a similar experience when a relative had Alzheimer’s. The relative that was blocked had power of attorney and all legal documents for care. An attorney was hired, he went to court, and won. Your wife has diminished capacity and cannot make decisions. Based on my experience, her daughter can not cut off your contact with your wife. I am sorry you are going through this.

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 917
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    I'm not a lawyer but overall a spouse has more legal rights than adult children unless the children have power of attorney. Are you your wife's POA? Is there a reason your wife's daughter has cut off communication with you? Sorry you're going through this. Hope you find a good solution.

  • dayn2nite2
    dayn2nite2 Member Posts: 1,192
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    I would seek the advice of an attorney. We had a member here whose child helped her husband to divorce her.

  • gonesail
    gonesail Member Posts: 9
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    Member

    advice appreciated. yes the DW gave the daughter POA behind my back. in the end the ALZ reared its ugly head today and bit me again. sure the daughter is questionable but the ALZ has shredded all the evidence. i was finally allowed a call with what is left of my DW. i learned a new lesson. never stick around for a beating when you know it's coming. she is crazy. what's next?

  • Michele P
    Michele P Member Posts: 434
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    I agree with the advice you were given. Additionally, I am not a lawyer, but based on what I know from family members who lived this, your wife has diminished capacity that could invalidate any documents she signed. Meet with an attorney immediately. Best of luck.

  • gonesail
    gonesail Member Posts: 9
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    Member

    i hear all of you. i have sent the last email to my wife tonight but i am afraid it will be detected by the evil daughters. I'm 72 years old but not crazy. God help me. why do they want to take her from me? i am not an evil man. i am not a bad man. should I just walk away? not sure anymore.

  • Metta
    Metta Member Posts: 119
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    My heart breaks for you. I had a terrible fear of DH’s adult children while he was in stage 5-6 and very vulnerable. He is on hospice now with me at home. I hope you are able to reconnect with your DW.

  • Michele P
    Michele P Member Posts: 434
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255677#Comment_255677

    Do not walk away. This is your wife. Would she walk away from you if the tables were turned? This disease robs them of everything. The people we love slowly slip away. In the end, you have to live with your decisions. No regrets. Her daughters don’t understand anything about this disease or that their mother is not their mother anymore. They should read the posts here. Consult an attorney.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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