destructive treatment from my wife's daughter

gonesail · October 7

My wife is afflicted with ALZ. she still loves me but we have had difficulties over the last month or so. We always had arguments over our 46 year marriage. So she asked for help from her daughters and they have offered it. Fine. Now she is 400 miles away. But now the oldest one has taken another step. She has blocked all communications between me and my spouse. my therapist has warned me that this is absolutely wrong and possibly illegal. What if my wife wants to communicate? what gives the daughter a right to do this? God knows I don't want to harm my wife or drag something into court. I wanted to ask the experienced folks here what they think.

Chammer · October 7

If you have an attorney, I would ask about what is going on to determine any legal issues that will be involved in what is happening.

Michele P · October 7

We had a similar experience when a relative had Alzheimer’s. The relative that was blocked had power of attorney and all legal documents for care. An attorney was hired, he went to court, and won. Your wife has diminished capacity and cannot make decisions. Based on my experience, her daughter can not cut off your contact with your wife. I am sorry you are going through this.

Dio · October 7

I'm not a lawyer but overall a spouse has more legal rights than adult children unless the children have power of attorney. Are you your wife's POA? Is there a reason your wife's daughter has cut off communication with you? Sorry you're going through this. Hope you find a good solution.

dayn2nite2 · October 8

I would seek the advice of an attorney. We had a member here whose child helped her husband to divorce her.

gonesail · October 8

advice appreciated. yes the DW gave the daughter POA behind my back. in the end the ALZ reared its ugly head today and bit me again. sure the daughter is questionable but the ALZ has shredded all the evidence. i was finally allowed a call with what is left of my DW. i learned a new lesson. never stick around for a beating when you know it's coming. she is crazy. what's next?

Victoriaredux · October 8

gonesail-

Get an elder law attorney who litigates as an active part of their practice asap. I hope you all are in the same state. Would make it simpler.

You need to act fast to keep the daughter from raiding and retitling the assets you both own ,separate or together. And especially to be sure your wife is getting best care.

Darkest reason for the dgtr's action - to get at the assets ASAP. Nicest view - she believes the tales your wife is telling and wants to "keep your wife safe" . Yet, she didn't talk to you , she called a lawyer.

Your wife deserves the best care possible- staying at home maybe too much for either of you- stressful for you and she may benefit from a structured home. Even simple things like USPS mail is dicey with her holding a POA . I'd normally suggest get your financial mail forwarded to a joint PO box but who currently has authority for your wife with freshly minted POA out there?

I'm not a lawyer but first thing will be to have the documents she obtained evaluated. See your lawyer before you approach the daughter, keep notes of any phone calls.

Sadly, it is not uncommon for the PWD to turn against the person closest to them . Others with less pure motives can use that to jump in .

The longer you wait the more costly it will be to untangle whatever the daughter is doing. An experienced lawyer maybe able to get the dgtr and her lawyer to negotiate and stay out of court.

Ideally you can get the POA voided right off the bat because if unchallenged the dgtr maybe able to use your wife's and your joint assets to support her side , as your wife's rep, in a legal fight. So you'd be funding both sides.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you both. Please take steps to protect your assets and assure good care for your wife.

Michele P · October 8

I agree with the advice you were given. Additionally, I am not a lawyer, but based on what I know from family members who lived this, your wife has diminished capacity that could invalidate any documents she signed. Meet with an attorney immediately. Best of luck.

gonesail · October 9

i hear all of you. i have sent the last email to my wife tonight but i am afraid it will be detected by the evil daughters. I'm 72 years old but not crazy. God help me. why do they want to take her from me? i am not an evil man. i am not a bad man. should I just walk away? not sure anymore.

Metta · October 9

My heart breaks for you. I had a terrible fear of DH’s adult children while he was in stage 5-6 and very vulnerable. He is on hospice now with me at home. I hope you are able to reconnect with your DW.

Michele P · October 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255677#Comment_255677

Do not walk away. This is your wife. Would she walk away from you if the tables were turned? This disease robs them of everything. The people we love slowly slip away. In the end, you have to live with your decisions. No regrets. Her daughters don’t understand anything about this disease or that their mother is not their mother anymore. They should read the posts here. Consult an attorney.

destructive treatment from my wife's daughter

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