Home health care

welcome. Sorry about your husband’s diagnosis. You can post a new topic by clicking the plus sign and putting in a subject and typing a question or comment. There are different sections for caring for spouse or partner, general topics, caring for a parent, etc.

thank you. 💜

Hi Jenny, I'm sure perservere will be back with some more good suggestions, I will add my thoughts oh finding a helper in the meantime. People "new to the game" often say "I'm doing OK, we don't need any help now…"…..but in reality, finding the right care helper often takes a while, and when the "need" is there, it is often in a crisis situation when you don't think as well and then make a poor choice. Many of us are not used to having "help" in our homes, certainly not someone to handle the often intimate details that come with caregiving. So I would start with thinking how you will approach finding the right person. Make a list of questions you want to have answered in an interview-write them down- and also make a list of what you want them to do. Then, when you identify your person, allow some time for yourself and your LO to get used to each other. Most people find it works best to tell your LO that the help is for you, not for the person with dementia. I stayed at home with the helper and DH for several weeks. We chatted, sat on the patio, occasionally the 3 of us took a short walk. The helper watched as I made breakfast, coffee, how I cleaned the kitchen, and she started handling some of those tasks regularly. Gradually it became clear that this person was a good choice, and I started leaving some, after several weeks. DH did not-still does not "like " for me to leave, but he now will chat with the helper when I am gone and he is well cared for by someone who is relatively comfortable in our space.

Good luck!

Hi Jenny, just seeing your comment. Looks like you got some good advice from others already. Both Howhale and M5M have very good approaches. Care.com requires you to subscribe monthly or yearly in order to actually reach out and message prospective caregivers. It’s fairly cheap. All of their caregivers undergo background checks. Also, it’s quite possible that you already know people or people who know people in your same situation. Word of mouth is just as effective. In my case the things that are important to me is that they are trustworthy, caring, dependable, flexible, and don’t mind doing a few chores if that’s what I need. My DW is at the point where it’s not easy to entertain her. Just keeping her on an even keel and making her feel safe is of the utmost importance. Once you find someone start very slowly. Like others said, let them observe how you interact and how you like things done. If your husband is in the early stages then hopefully he can participate in trying to make this work. I think one of your challenges will be that most caregivers are female. I’ve heard this can be a bit more difficult for husbands than wives with dementia. Feel free to message me if you’d like but I think all of the inputs you’re getting are very good. It’s all about what ‘you’ need to make this work.

What you are describing, a retired husband cooking breakfast every day, coordinating meals with your daughter, managing incontinence and bathing assistance, and feeling only a little tired, actually sounds like a lot more than most people would call mostly managing. The people around you who are suggesting a home health aide are likely seeing something you cannot fully see from the inside, which is how much you are already absorbing without calling it caregiving. The decision to bring someone in rarely comes from a moment of obvious crisis. It usually comes from someone finally doing the math on everything a spouse caregiver carries invisibly each day and realizing the load is heavier than it looks from the outside. Most caregivers who wait until they genuinely need help find they have already been running on fumes for longer than they realized, and starting with just a few hours a week, someone to handle bathing assistance or sit with her while you take a walk, tends to feel much less like giving something up and more like getting something back. The most common answer to your question of when people decided to bring someone in is almost always the same: earlier than they did, and they wish they had done it sooner.

I hope these references can help:

https://hopebridge.care/home-health-aide-for-dementia-care-giving-yourself-grace/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dementia_caregiving

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-caregiving/getting-help-alzheimers-caregiving